By

Rob Sorenson

You’ll have to forgive me, but I must begin this review with an aside, because I can’t comfortably dig into the meat (be it parrot or goat) of this episode without passing along a public service announcement for all the youngsters out there.

Wallace Fennel is a very talented young basketball player, and in the early stages of this episode he performs a classic move: the old bounce-the-ball-between-the-defender’s-legs trick. No question, it’s one heck of an impressive thing to watch. Stone cold guaranteed to get an ooooh from any audience, now and forever.

Here’s the down side.

Once upon a time, a slightly-overweight eighth-grader with a halfway decent jumper (translation for the uninitiated: it’s a basketball shot as well as a dress) was playing a little one on one before practice. This young man – who shall remain nameless for reasons which will soon become obvious – decided in the heat of competition that he would perform the same sort of maneuver Wallace executed in this episode. Unfortunately, the hapless teenager forgot about the vast limitations in his game. Namely, an utter lack of dribbling and passing skills.

You can see where this is going, right?

It’s been twenty-two years since that fateful moment…and so far as I know, the poor defender still has no children of his own.

I don’t want to become too cautionary – this ain’t no after school special, for God’s sake – but trust me, that particular stunt isn’t as easy to pull off as it looks. However, I’m a realist; this is a classic playground basketball move. At some point, every young player is going to consider attempting it. Any “Just say no” mantra from me isn’t going to cut it. You’re going to look down someday and see an opponent with his feet wide apart, and it’s going to call to you. “Bounce it there, bounce it there,” the voice inside your head will nag. “There are girls watching. The ones who suddenly started to look good last year in gym class, remember? This is your big chance.”

I’m not naïve enough to think you can resist such primal urges. We’re animals, after all. Therefore all I ask is this: before trying such an advanced maneuver, practice dribbling the ball between your own legs for at least an hour or two. Sure, that’s putting your own robin eggs at risk, but hey: a guy has to sacrifice sometimes for the benefit of his fellow man.

All right, I feel much better. Now, on with the review!

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I’m glad I got to review this episode, as Wallace was immediately my personal favorite supporting character on this show. What can I say? I have an affinity toward genuinely good guys who befriend girls with feelings of loss and loneliness. It has a familiar ring…

Rob Thomas has an affinity of his own; he’s in love with the art of misdirection. Virtually every investigation Veronica undertakes has an unexpected turn at some point; tonight’s episode was no exception. Even the simple, relatively harmless high school tradition of messing with a rival’s mascot has sinister layers in the world of Neptune.

That’s only misdirection number one for the evening, however…and let’s face it, these episodes are never really about the cases themselves. No, tonight’s meaningful turn took place between Veronica and the suddenly-popular Wallace. Their initial bond – so to speak – came from duct-tape removal. Since then, that bond has only strengthened as Wallace unconsciously picked away at the tape that held Veronica’s embittered, self-defensive position together.

This makes Wallace’s newfound popularity mildly disturbing – or at least it would seem so. Just the word “popular” stimulates our girl’s gag reflex most of the time…and her one port in the complex and dangerous emotional storm of Neptune was her best friend Wallace. There was no hidden agenda or past to deal with.

Now he’s going to dine with (gasp!) jocks. They’re unquestionably the single most popular social group in any high school because there are no territorial boundaries. It doesn’t matter what color you are or how much money your parents have; if you can win ball games, everyone who matters wants to say “hey” in the hallway. That is the way of things.

Six months ago, Veronica Mars would’ve been completely dismissive, snarking and giving the appearance of a girl who cared nothing about anyone. Wallace Fennel rejecting her friendship in favor of Neptune socialization? Just another example of why the world blows like a Category Five.

When Wallace invites her to lunch along with the team, Veronica, true to form, distances herself somewhat. She’s seen enough of the real adult world to recognize the hypocrisy of it all; if Wallace couldn’t play, nobody would care where he ate his meals. That’s not a world she cares to get sucked into again. In her experience, fair-weather friends like that will turn on you in an instant.

Here’s where the misdirection comes in: on the surface, we’re led to believe that some distance is growing between them. Slowly, however, we see things are actually quite different: when Veronica goes undercover as Betty to unmask the Jughead who stole the parrot, she reacts with genuine pleasure when the opposing players single him out as the star. Even sweeter was the revelation that she was treating him to clandestine baked goods. She’s truly proud and happy for him. Even more importantly, she’s not the least bit threatened by his changed status.

Witness how things differ in this episode compared to the earliest ones: Veronica is allowing herself to associate with others more freely. She’s dating a decent guy, bonding with Meg and putting everything she has into helping her mother get well. Slowly, but surely, she’s reintegrating herself with the world by offering some trust. If one is willing to trust, they must have some faith.

I think that faith is personified in Wallace. In an incredibly complex and emotional world, he remains the one and only uncomplicated presence. Metaphorically speaking, he’s the pinpoint of light at the end of a dark tunnel, and she’s slowly using it to guide her while digging free.

In the first few episodes, she’d have been certain it was an oncoming train.

Ok, let’s move on to some numbered random thoughts before this takes all night. I tend to be something of a rambler. And a gambler. Also, I’m a joker, I’m a smoker and a midnight tok…well, ok, maybe not that last one. They have random testing at my real-life workplace. Buncha Fascists.

Where was I?

Right! Random thoughts:

1… Speaking of midnight tokers (ah, the smoothest segue ever), I think just about everyone who went through high school in America had their own equivalent of Rest Stop 15. In my case, it was an open field deep in the woods of northern Minnesota called Cherry Lane. There was this guy who used to dent beer kegs with his head for money – but I’ve probably told this story before, so we’ll move on.

2… My Kane murder theory of a few weeks ago remains a possibility: Duncan by the pool with a seizure, generating a payoff to Koontz to take the fall. Of course, note what I said previously regarding misdirection…if anything, it makes me suspicious when things fall into place. Which leads me to…

3… If Duncan by the pool with a seizure is wrong, I have a backup in place: Celeste in the conservatory with a lead pipe.

4… Still wondering precisely how much Keith knows at this juncture. Is it possible Veronica knows more specifics than he does now? Somehow, I doubt that…

5… Veronica’s impromptu speech about her love for Wallace was the most beautiful and heartfelt bit of pregame trash talk I’ve ever heard. That team had no chance. Even if she didn’t physically sit in the bleachers, her heart was right in the front row. Which, taken literally, is kinda gross.

6… This is probably a stretch, but could “Wallace-adjacent” have been a nod to “The Zeppo?” It WAS a Wallace-centric episode, after all, and clearly he’s the Xander of this show. Wallace was specifically written to be fray-adjacent in every way, which is exactly where Veronica wants and needs him.

7… My one possibly controversial thought: It’s been fifteen episodes since any outright mention has been made of Veronica’s date rape. Putting aside my feelings about how gratuitous it seemed at the time, relegating it to the back burner for this long a period is simply sloppy storytelling. In fairness, I think Thomas is far too good a writer to drop it permanently…but the subject matter is far too serious to throw out there and leave untouched for so long.

Lest I forget, here’s a note of condolence for the ladies: I am aware that a certain tortured cutie-pie didn’t appear in this installment. For the record, I think Jason Dohring has done a terrific job with the character, and I’m certain his role is going to increase toward the end of the year and into the next one *crosses fingers*.

When it comes down to it, though, there was no place for Logan in this episode. This was about Veronica making a psychological turn for the better. Re-establishing contact with her mother, dealing with Meg/Duncan with maturity, dating Deputy Dawg, showing Wallace some much-deserved love…these are all (for the moment) positive developments. Logan just doesn’t fit into any kind of positive scenario yet.

I put a question mark at the end of this review’s title because so much is still up in the air. Surely some devastating revelations are still to come; undoubtedly they could have a disastrous effect on Veronica’s psyche. If the Duncan theory is correct, for example, that could clearly cause discord between several characters.

For now, though, we’ve been given some time to feel a little better about things. I plan to take full advantage of it.

That’s all I’ve got. Much love to the S’cubies.

Rob

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