FUNNIEST MOMENT OR LINE

§ Harris? I can’t believe the S’cubies paired me up with a loser like you to present The “Funniest Moment or Line” Cutie Award! I ought to just kill you right where you stand.

§ Oh! It’s that terrifying vampire: Harmony! She might pull my hair! I’m shaking in my Keds. Just leave the presenting of the Funny Stuff to me, Harmony. The witless don’t know anything about wit.

§ Is that so? Well, then, fine. Here’s the list of nominees. Go ahead and start reading!

§ Hand it over . . . OK . . . “Harmony Kendall is smarter than me” – hey!

§ HA! That was almost as funny as when Veronica did that to Sheriff Lamb on Veronica Mars!

§ That shows what you know. It was much funnier when Hurley delivered that classic line on Lost: “You’ve got some Artz on you!”

§ Gross! And lame, as usual lamebrain. What was really funny was when, on Grey’s Anatomy, Dr. Derek Shepherd said, to a patient and rapist whose victim bit off his penis: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we managed to stop the bleeding. The bad news is that we gave your penis to the cops.”

§ Wrong! Penis problems are definitely not funny. I appreciate the cleverer, more subtle lines - for example on Lost, when Sawyer told Kate: “Baby, I am tied to a tree in the Jungle of Mystery. I just got tortured by a damn spinal surgeon and a genuine Iraqi - 'course I'm serious.”

§ Oh. I forgot: Your penis got diseases from the Chumash tribe, didn’t it? Sorry. How about this one then: House, when Greg said to Wilson: "Those shoes weren't Prada. You wouldn't know Prada if one stepped on your scrotum."

§ No wonder you couldn’t keep a boyfriend. Let’s settle this once and for all. The envelope, please . . .