- FROM THE RED CARPET –
Pre-recorded live, from Kokomo, Indiana
Awards Show Fashion Review
Spring: Greetings, viewers! Thanks for tuning in to the Spring & Pixi Rivers Fashion Review of the 2005 Cutie Awards, live from Kokomo. Pixi and I are here on the red carpet, awaiting the arrival of the S’cubies to this illustrious event. And the first thing I’ve got to say is – Pixi Rivers, you look GORGEOUS!!!
Pixi: Thank you! And you, Ms Spring Rivers - you’re not so bad yourself! That black leather and stainless steel combo really becomes you. Looks like you raided your special basement closet for that outfit. STUNNING.
Spring: Thank you, Pixi! Now – correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you raid a closet also? As in your teenage daughter’s closet? Any particular reason a woman of your . . . maturity . . . is looking so youthful? It wouldn’t have anything to do with trying to catch the eye of certain handsome young nominee would it?
Pixi: You caught me, Spring. Not only am I wearing my daughter’s outfit, but I got a new haircut, I’m wearing a specially designed bra with extra pixi-perk, and I had my legs waxed all the way up!
Spring: A good S’cubie is always prepared. That’s what Vlad always says.
Pixi: And speaking of Vlad – look Spring! Who do you suppose that is, pulling up to the red carpet, looking oh so leader-like, on that sleek black motorcycle?
Spring: Oh, this is soooo exciting! It’s Vlad! He really makes a statement with those sunglasses, the blue paisley headscarf, and the leather vest - don’t you think?
Pixi: Well, yes I do – but personally, I think he makes an even more impressive statement with those grey sweatpants he’s wearing.
Spring: Oh, my – camera one – can we get a close up?
Arch-Technopagan Vlad arrives at the First Annual S’cubie Cuties. – TP Photo
Pixi: Sorry Spring, but it looks like camera one is focused on that little red pickup truck that’s just now pulling up . . .it’s Sara, Jan, and Jan’s husband Rich! All the way from Vermont! Doesn’t Sara look striking in those sturdy denim jeans, tie-dyed Ben & Jerry’s T-shirt, and the Red Sox cap?
Spring: Amazing. And how about Jan & Rich? Aren’t they cute in their matching outfits? The purple t-shirts and jeans are so flattering. Seems like denim must be the new black in Vermont these days. Oh – oh - and look! Pulling up to the red carpet are Matthew & Dragon. Dragon is in a stunning, lavender, off the shoulder Vera Wang, sparkled with silver beadwork and –
Pixi: That's Matthew. And here's Dragon, looking extremely glamorous a very low-cut, feathered, red-velvet, Dior dress. It’s a daring choice, but she pulls it off.
Spring: I thought she had a husband for that. And who is that approaching on a bicycle? In this rain?
Pixi: I believe that's Rachael, wearing a very wet University of California t-shirt, and a pair of equally wet jeans! She looks great, though a little eyeliner would really set the whole thing off.
Spring: Agreed. And isn't that Rob, panting close behind? He cleans up real nice!
Pixi: I love a good-looking man in a simple tux. Elegant, even with his tongue hanging out.
Spring: Speaking of elegant, here comes Laura. She’s wearing a sensuous rose-pink chiffon Armani gown on her bod, and Gucci pumps on her feet. Bellissima. Did you see what car she came in? I may want to tackle her in the parking lot later for those shoes.
Pixi: New Yorkers do know how to dress. But here comes someone from the other coast – Julia. That linen floral print skirt looks very attractive on her . . . but I don’t recognize the designer . . .
Spring: That’s vintageTrader Joe’s. And look who’s just stepped onto the red carpet! Anne! She’s looking fresh-faced, purple-haired, and ready for summer in that classic blue and white striped polo, with red Capri pants. I believe Anne is an Old Navy girl, all the way.
Pixi: I think you’re right about that. Just like I know I’m right that the lady in black that has just arrived is none other than technopagan extraordinaire and Queen of Erinland – Erin! Black hair, black accessories, fitted, shimmering satin black gown with that spider flair hem – new tattoos - she looks scrumptious, and she’s living the dream!
Spring: Almost as dreamy as Diane, in that high-bodice renaissance gown. Now, that’s what I call cleavage. She looks gorgeous – feminine, yet prepared to get medieval on your ass if need be.
Pixi: Quintessentially Diane. And here comes Nan, pulling up in her scooter! Wow. Must’ve been a long ride from Cincy to Kokomo on that thing, especially wearing that full-length, Chanel, blood red gown.
Spring: Windblown is a good look for her, though. And speaking of wind-blown, here’s our hurricane honey, Rae! I love the asymmetric, pale blue Grecian dress on her, but the pilon-orange rain poncho over top, and tote bag full of candles, bottled water, and batteries . . . it does detract from the look a smidge.
Pixi: I guess she heard about the rain here in Kokomo, today. And here’s someone else who came prepared – our own Liz – aka Spaced-Out-Looney. The raspberry silk, high-necked Carolina Herrara is a stunner on Liz, but I can’t take my eyes off that rhinestone-encrusted tape measure she’s carrying!
Spring: Tape measure? But I haven’t even deputized her yet! Remind me to talk to her later. And who is that colorful vision of loveliness I see walking toward us?
Pixi: Linda! I adore the flowered wrap-around skirt, and she’s dazzling in the whole tanned-islander-look, but the coconut bra is maybe just a toe over-the-line . . .
Spring: Look to your right, Pixi. It’s Sharky!
Pixi: And on land. Hide the kittens!
Spring: Hee. He’s looking magnificent in a Gucci tuxedo. And I like the gold, diamond encrusted tooth. Nice touch.
Pixi: There’s KMInfinity, looking exquisite in a sleek, well-fitted taupe-colored silk Halston, with a very nice accessory - her hubby! I think she’s been working on turning him – and it looks like she’s succeeded.
Spring: She’s a good S’cubie. Pixi, look to your left - I think I’ve spotted another top-notch S’cubie over there . . . leftylady!
Pixi: Yes! There she is! Hmmm . . . it’s unusual, but that belly-baring “I Dream of Jeanni,” genie-in-a- bottle look is divine on her!
Spring: I suspect she’s hoping to attract a certain Middle-Eastern Lost cast member’s eye. Hmmph! (*cough* desperate *cough*) Hey - I see Shan! Shan – over here, Shan! We’ll never get her attention with the paparazzi shouting at her like that. But that’s the glamorous life of a technopagan.
Pixi: I’m impressed with the tight, white leather, catwoman look on Shan. And the matching white leather hat, boots, and purse. But I hear they have a lot of cows, in Kansas. Next up – Becky! She’s definitely not in Kansas anymore in that violet, slinky, corseted Oscar de la Renta. I’m not sure the tweed blazer is the right cover-up, though . . .
Spring: Speaking of tweed, there’s our British contingent arriving in the Rolls Royce! Looks like beccaelizabeth and Riff have gone Goth for this event. I had heard that Riff had a Ripper-side, but the tongue studs are kinda a surprise. And I love becca’s big black vinyl purse – the perfect accessory for the black . . . everything else.
Pixi: Actually, I think she’s got a stash of comic books in there, in case she gets bored. Dev is looking yummy and very youthful in those very, very low riding jeans . . .
Spring: Chill, Pixi. And cal – isn’t she elegant (*cough *tarty* cough*) in that embroidered, royal blue, Stella McCartney gown (*cough* tarty *cough*)??
Pixi: You OK, Spring? I hope you’re not getting a cold – because you’ll want to be 100% for this one – one of our nominees has just arrived in a white stretch limo – James Marsters! Yes, he’s stepping out of the car looking smashing in a wonderful black tux, and – oh, wait – look who’s coming out of the car with him!! Lola, looking adorable in one of those charming feminine versions of a black tux – though, where are her pants, for heaven’s sake? Oh, and there’s Karen, also emerging from the limo, and showing off her curves in a green, beaded Donna Karan – she’s beautiful but – isn’t her dress on backwards? And look!! Monnie & Wendy also! I love their matching strapless white Prada cocktail gowns. Gorgeous. Too bad it looks like they both put their lipstick on without a mirror - while the car was going over railroad tracks!! It’s unbelievably smeared, wouldn’t you say, Spring?
James "Spike" Marsters arrives with his "escorts" for the evening. – TP Photo
Spring: Pix – I – uh – uhm . . .
Pixi: And that’s not all! There’s more S’cubies coming out of James’ limo! Iadorespike is very fetching in that floor length pink satin Dontella Versace – I like the high-thigh slit up the side, though it looks a bit like she ripped it by hand! Sue, Alexandra, and Onjel are now stepping out of the limo too! I love Sue’s gold lame gown and pearls, though it really would look better with shoes on. Alexandra’s white lace, tea-length frock is simple, but it’s glammed up wonderfully by the diamond jewelry – except – shouldn’t she have TWO earrings on? And Onjel! Isn’t she darling in that chocolate brown, Nicole Miller mini dress? Now, I know she hates wearing panty hose, but she’s going to trip, wearing them down around her ankles like that. Wow. I can’t believe all those S’cubies came out of one car! It must have been a very, very tight squeeze in there - don’t you think, Spring? Spring?
Spring: Buh – gah - gooshul – (*faints*)
Pixi: Spring!! Spring?? Is there a doctor in the house? Uhm . . . anyhow – all the S’cubies on the red carpet tonight are perfectly gorgeous!! Moscow Watcher, Barba, havoc, deb, sunworshipper, sydneyb7, Alsh, Len! They all obviously know that it’s better to look good than to feel good! Well, ladies and gentleman – I guess that’s the end of our fashion review! Enjoy your evening!! . . . Spring? Oh, poor Spring! Help, someone! Spring needs hel- hey, isn’t that Jason Dohring?? (*Steps on Spring to run toward Jason – trips, falls flat on face.*)
That’s all folks!!