Season 5

Episode 21

 

THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD: He ain’t heavy, he’s my vampire

by Spring Summers – 09-Mar-2005

 

- Buffy’s burdens – Spike & Willow, the featherweights – Artifice & Intellect vs Physicality & Feelings – Me or you - Spicy extras for James Marsters fans -

The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground.  But in love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man's body.  The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment.  The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become.

Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar to the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements free as they are insignificant.

What then shall we choose?  Weight or lightness?

Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being,  1983

 

I guess I have always known that, for all her occasional flippancy, Buffy takes herself very seriously.  It’s been hard not to notice that she has a tendency to blame herself for everything:

 

·         She blames herself for Angel’s murder of Jenny in Passion:

 

BUFFY (to Giles):  “I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't kill him for you - for her - when I had the chance.”

 

And listen to her in I Only Have Eyes for You as she blames herself for Giles’ unhappiness:

 

BUFFY:  “He misses her.  He can't think.  Just a little more fallout from my love life.”

 

·         She blames herself for Angel’s self-propelled soul-loss in Season 2, and all its ugly consequences.  Listen to her, again in I Only Have Eyes for You: 

 

BUFFY (to Willow):  “Do you remember my ex-boyfriend, the vampire? I slept with him, he lost his soul, now my boyfriend's gone forever, and the demon that wears his face is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will involve my choice of dentures.”

 

And

 

BUFFY:  “No. James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind passion.  And that's not something you forgive.  No matter why he did what he did.  And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish and stupid, it is just something he's gonna have to live with.”

XANDER:  “He can't live with it, Buff. He's dead.”

CORDELIA:  “OK. Over-identify much?”

 

·         She blames herself for Riley’s decision to leave and return to the military.  In Intervention:

 

BUFFY:  “Riley left because I was shut down.  He’s gone.”

 

·         In Forever, Buffy can’t seem to let go of the idea that her Mother’s unpreventable death was her fault: 

 

BUFFY:   “I keep thinking about it - when I found her.  If I had just gotten there ten minutes earlier-,”

ANGEL:  “You said they told you it wouldn’t have made a difference.”

BUFFY:  “They said probably wouldn’t have made a difference. The exact thing they said was probably.  I haven’t told that to anyone.”

 

She sounds very much as if she is making a guilty confession, doesn’t she?  So we shouldn’t be surprised to find Buffy blaming herself for Dawn’s seemingly imminent, Glory-induced, death:

 

BUFFY:  “I killed Dawn.  My thinking it made it happen.”

 

But this self-flagellation is also self-aggrandizement:  Saying “I’m the one who is always ultimately to blame,” is also saying, “I’m the one in whom ultimate power always resides.”  This is a child’s self-centered world-view; it’s magical thinking:

 

SPIKE (to Giles, about Doc):  “All tuned in to the nastier corners of this, our magic world.”

 

And we are looking at this, Buffy’s magic world:  If she steps on a crack, she will break her mother’s back.  If she wishes it hard enough, then it will happen.  Buffy blames herself, always.  She prefers the guilt and misery to acknowledging that she might be mostly, or totally, inconsequential in any particular circumstance. 

 

As Willow tells her, she has taken on The Weight of the World.  And it has become unbearably heavy.   It is crushing her.  She is paralyzed by guilt, and feelings of obligation and responsibility.   As she feared in Intervention, she has turned to stone.  And we see how it all begins:

 

JOYCE:  “Don’t you want to be the big sister?”

LITTLE BUFFY:  “No, I want to be the baby.” (Buffy, trying to hang on to weightlessness).

HANK:  “Buffy.”

LITTLE BUFFY:  “You’re gonna pay more attention to her and forget all about me!”

JOYCE (placing the baby in Buffy’s arms):  “Like this. OK, support the head.  There.  We’re calling her Dawn.”

LITTLE BUFFY (smiling):  “I could be the one to look after her sometimes - if you need a helper.  Mom?  Can I take care of her?”

JOYCE:  “Yes, Buffy, you can take care of her.”

 

And so, Buffy is seduced by love, by tenderness, by the very human need for direction and meaning, into taking on a little weight.  At the age of six or so, with the responsibility of her little sister as a literal weight in her small round arms, she is no longer unbearably light.  It feels good and solid and warm and right.  Little Buffy smiles.  (Darn those babies and their bright, cute little eyes, their soft skin, their sweet smiles full of absolute love and trust.  They’ll snare you in the tender trap every time! )

 

And look here:

 

JOYCE:  “Hello, Buffy.”

HANK:  “How’s my girl?”

LITTLE BUFFY smiles up at Daddy, looking pleased as punch.

 

And there it is:  Buffy’s early seduction into being a good girl.  Daddy’s girl.  Buffy wants to be Daddy’s girl, but Daddy leaves.  So she tries telling Angel that she will always be his girl, but Angel leaves.  Then she tells Riley that she will always be his girl, but Riley leaves.  Faith calls her “my girl” when she taunts Buffy into hitting her, but Buffy firmly rejects the implication that she could ever be Faith’s girl.  Finally, Buffy will beat the living daylights out of Spike, screaming at him that she will NEVER be his girl - after she already is.  Because Buffy always meant to be a good girl, forever.  Daddy’s girl, Angel’s girl, Riley’s girl.  Not Faith’s girl.  Not Spike’s girl. 

 

So what happens to Little Buffy?  Well – Little Buffy grows up the hard way, is what happens.  She finds out that life isn’t, after all, about being Daddy’s good girl always and forever and only.  It’s also about realizing womanhood, in a man’s, not a Daddy’s, arms.  And then finally, in Chosen, Buffy will start to become – not Daddy’s girl or Spike’s woman - but her own person.  Whew.  I thought I was never gonna – I mean, I thought Buffy was never gonna - get there. 

 

I’ve often written about Spike as a symbol of darkness, but in this episode he’s all about light.  He’s not about light as opposed to dark, but rather he’s about light as opposed to heavy.  He’s light, as opposed to weighed down with cargo.  He’s a speed boat, skimming the water.  While we watch Buffy drowning in an overwhelming sense of duty and obligation, we watch Spike flaunt all the rules.  He’s not encumbered by a sense of duty: 

 

  • He mentions his century of “delinquency” when he hotwires Ben’s car.
  • He smacks Buffy in the face when no one else would dream of such an outrageous act.
  • His mouth obviously respects no traditional boundaries when, after hitting Buffy, he speculates out loud that Buffy might “like it rough.”
  • He kicks in Glory’s door without even trying the knob first.
  • He steals blood from the hospital.
  • He smokes right in front of the hospital’s no-smoking sign.

 

Spike is far, far, far from paralyzed:  For the first time, he takes a very active, leadership role in a Scooby good-guy operation.  Notice that it is Spike, and that other more subtle (but, don’t let her fool you, just as outrageous) rule-flaunter, Willow, who completely take over.  Spike, soulless, is absolutely and profoundly guilt-free – and that actually helps him, here.  Note that it is specifically his demonhood that allows him to see what no one else can see – i.e., that Ben is Glory. 

 

GLORY (to Dawn, about her outsiders view of humanity):  “Funny.  ’Cause I look around at this world you’re so eager to be a part of, and all I see is six billion lunatics looking for the fastest ride out.  Who’s not crazy?  Look around.  Everyone’s drinking, smoking, shooting up - shooting each other, or just plain screwing their brains out ’cause they don’t want ’em anymore.   I’m crazy?  Honey, I’m the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind.  ’Cause at least I admit the world makes me nuts.”

 

Glory, you are not the only one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind in this episode.  A distinction is being made – between those who would weigh themselves down, and those who would leave themselves weightless.  Between those who feel guilt and responsibility and respect for rules and authority, and those who don’t. 

 

It’s Willow’s willingness to flaunt convention and do a dangerous spell that saves Buffy, and notice how well she understands Spike in this episode:

 

WILLOW (to Spike):  “Spike, you find Glory.  Check her apartment, see if she’s still there.  Try anything stupid, like payback, and I will get very cranky.”

 

Payback, huh?  This is exactly what Willow tried when Tara was hurt – she tried payback.  That’s how she knows it’s stupid, and that’s how she knows Spike might try it.  And later:

 

WILLOW (to the two internal Buffys):  “I think Spike was right back at the gas station.  Snap out of it!”

 

And notice that Willow recognizes that Buffy-in-Beige is “standing right in front of” the information she needs, right after Spike does the same with Doc.  Ungoverned, unencumbered by the weight of convention, Glory’s eyelids, and Willow’s eyelids, and Spike’s eyelids, stay open.  In Fool for Love:

 

SPIKE (to Buffy):  “The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world - your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies. They all tie you here but you're just putting off the inevitable.”

 

Spike has no mum, no brat kid sister, no friends.  No roots.  He doesn’t even have a soul to tie him down.  He practically floats his way through this episode:  Ah – the unbearable lightness of Spike. 

 

Notice that later, in the final scene, as Giles attempts to tell Buffy of the most onerous duty she has yet to face (the need to kill Dawn), we see that Giles – that keeper of the yoke, that symbol of Buffy’s intellect – has a no-smoking sign in his shop.  It’s right by his head, as he talks.  Not only is he cigarette-free, but I think we can assume that he hung the sign.  There’s also a statue of an angel on the wall near the no-smoking sign – talk about a symbol of being weighed down by guilt, of feeling burdened by your soul.  And talk further about a heavy-duty symbol of an unbearable obligation realized by Buffy in the past (when she sent Angel to hell, shish-kabobbed on the wrong end of a sword).

 

But please do take note that the lightness of a guilt-free life is not being shown as an unquestioned positive, or as the answer to anything.  Note that it is Glory who goes on and on, lamenting the fact that she is beginning to feel Ben’s guilt, and espousing the superiority of leaving guilt behind.  Glory is not exactly a sage, whose word we are meant to take as gospel.  And listen to how the minions refer to her worldly acquisitions:

 

MINION:  “The glorious one, having acquired much in this world, doesn’t exactly travel light.”

 

Glory may be guilt-free, but her rabid selfishness has extracted a price, has added a different kind of weight:

 

GLORY:  “Help me.”

MINION PRIEST:  “This I cannot do.  You risk terrible magics in opening the portal.  Nothing comes without a price.  This is yours.”

GLORY:  “Gods don’t pay.”

 

But apparently, Gods do pay.  Everyone pays.  For whatever choice one makes, there is a cost.  Note that featherweight Spike is totally ineffective fighting Doc.  He really needs Xander during that confrontation.  He also seems to be trying, underneath it all (and rather desperately) to acquire Buffy-like ties to the world - a mum, a brat kid sister, friends.  The dialogue is overflowing with the word “can’t,” as people refer to not to actual physical inabilities, but to their duties and obligations.  Here are some examples:

 

  • BEN:  “Can’t kill the girl.”
  • DOC:  “When it comes to hellgods, my best advice is get out of the way.  And stay there.”  SPIKE:  “Love to.  Can’t.”
  • GLORY:  “You can’t hurt her, and you know it, Ben.”

 

Oh – would you listen to that one from Spike?  Isn’t that duty-free Spike, sounding dutiful?  Sounding responsible, obligated even?  He’s looking for meaning, for a purpose, a mission – an anchor.  He wants ties to the world.  Good for him.  Because next episode, he’s going to be learning a proper respect for gravity.

 

It’s not about being a feather, and it’s not about being a stone.  It’s about finding the right balance:


WILLOW (to the Buffys):  “All this – it has a name.  It’s called guilt.  It’s a feeling, and it’s important.  But it’s not more than that, Buffy.  Buffys.  You’ve carried the weight of the world on your shoulders since high school.  And I know you didn’t ask for this, but you do it every day.  And so, you wanted out for one second.  So what?”

 

Buffy has such a tendency toward accepting weight – toward accepting blame and guilt – that she is punishing herself mercilessly for this one tiny moment of understandable weakness. 

 

So - do you want to know why Buffy & Spike long for each other?  Do you want to know what that flaming underlying attraction is all about?  It’s about this:  Buffy needs his darkness and she needs his lightness.  Spike needs her light and her weight.  Inverting the image in the opening quote of this analysis:  Spike longs to be weighed down by Buffy’s body.  And Buffy longs to be lifted up by Spike’s body.  And there, Joss-fans, is subtext that’s heading for graphic, explicit, repeated, fiery and completely consensual text.

 

But Buffy, at this point, has such a desire to cling to an idealized, black-and-white view of herself and her world that she cannot accept the smallest of lapses.  Accompanying the examination of the weighty vs the fluffy, is an exploration of the physical & natural vs the intellectual & artificial.  Again, we’re not going to get any easy answers.  But, as Buffy literally struggles to choose between living a sanitary life within the perfectly controlled boundaries of her own brain, or getting out into (the rapidly-becoming-undeniably) gray and chaotic reality of the physical world, we’re just going to take a peek at this aspect of the human condition.  There are many, many mentions of “heads” and “brains” in this episode. Some examples are below:

 

  • MINION:  “Quickly, quickly!  Already we’re behind schedule.  Someone’s bound for a beheading.”
  • GLORY:  “No, brainless.  In torture death and chaos does my power lie.  So tell me, why am I not popping your head like a zit right now?”
  • SPIKE:  “She can’t just be brain-dead.”
  • GLORY:  “OK first thought, just totally off the top of my head – ow!”

 

And there are many images of artificial (metal) construction, and of machinery:

 

  • WELDING:   We see a welder, and the sign over Xander’s bed says, “There’s Honor in Arc Welding!”
  • CONSTRUCTION:  We listen to the constant whir of machinery and we can see that something metal is being constructed.
  • DOLLS:  Spike offers Anya a Kewpie doll; Buffy asks Willow if she likes dolls.  Twice.

 

Opposing those references to artifice and intellectualism are mention and images of physicality and natural functions:

 

  • Spike mentions Buffy’s physical strength:  “Come on, people.  The girl is endowed with Slayer strength.  It’s hardly time to get dainty.”
  • There are many images of that natural source of energy:  flame.  Spike’s hands are almost set aflame.  We’ve seen this before:  Spike as passion, as physicality, as base desire, as flame.
  • Glory continually refers to Ben as a “meat sack,” or other, equally grotesque, physical names.

 

Frequent mention of drugs also serves to emphasize the physical, unreasoning aspect of being human:

 

  • SPIKE:  “Is everyone here very stoned?”
  • WILLOW (to Anya, about Tara):  “There’s some pills in my knapsack. Half of one every two hours keeps her pretty mellow.”
  • GLORY:  “They’re not even animals.  They’re just these meat baggy slaves to hormones and pheromones and their feelings . . . call me crazy, but as hard-core drugs go, human emotion is just useless!  People are puppets!  Everyone getting jerked around by what they’re feeling!”

 

Anya gives Willow a very mechanical and forced sounding “Good Luck!” as Willow leaves the room to begin her spell to enter Buffy’s mind.  But when Willow is out of earshot, we hear her repeat that “Good Luck” with worry in her voice, and in a much more human, and natural way.

 

Two Buffys eventually appear before Willow:  Buffy-in-Black - A Perfectly Logical Buffy in a ponytail and a simple black outfit, who has decided to do her duty as she must, and Buffy-in-Beige -A Completely Emotional Buffy in a long hair and a diaphanous outfit, who has decided that her feelings are reality.  It seems to me that they are Buffy’s mind, and Buffy’s heart, and they have come to agreement:

 

BUFFY-IN-BLACK:  “I can’t beat Glory.”

BUFFY-IN-BEIGE:  “Glory’s going to win.”

WILLOW:  “You can’t know that.”

BUFFY-IN-BLACK:  “I didn’t just know it.”
BUFFY-IN-BEIGE:  “I felt it.  Glory will beat me.”

 

Mirroring the Buffy vs Buffy dialogue is the Ben vs Glory dialogue, which is in much the same vein.  The two halves struggle, but then a moment of weakness comes for Ben, and they come to agreement:  They must kill Dawn.

 

BEN (to Dawn):  “I’m sorry.  I have no choice.  It’s you or me.”

 

It’s you or me.  I notice that throughout the episode, there are similar references, and images of people hurting one another:

 

  • MINION 1:  “T’was he who blasphemed!  MINION 2 (hoping to save himself):  “Spurred on by treacherous urgings!”  Minion 1 hits Minion 2.  Minion 2 says ouch.
  • XANDER:  “How are you doing?”  GILES (suggesting Xander is causing his pain):  “It only hurts when I answer pointless questions.”
  • XANDER:  “Wait, wait, wait.  Ben, at Glory’s?  You’re saying all this time, he’s been subletting from her?”  SPIKE:  “This is gonna be worth it.”  Spike hits Xander in the head.  They both say ouch.
  • BEN:  “Stay very still.”  Dawn hits him on the head with a chain.  DAWN:  “I’m sorry.”  Glory comes to, and says ouch.

 

But earlier, we’ve also heard this:

 

XANDER:  “You good to go?”
GILES:  “Oh, don’t worry about me.  How’s Buffy?”

 

What then shall we choose?  Weight or lightness?  How it is then?  We must sacrifice others to save ourselves, or we must sacrifice ourselves to save others?  When is it “worth it?”

 

  • SPIKE:  “It’s a bit of a last resort really, but still, we might persuade him to suss out Glory’s game plan. Sound worthy?”
  • SPIKE (before he hits Xander):  “This is gonna be worth it.”
  • XANDER:  “What do we got?”  SPIKE:  “Something worth dying for.”

 

Is this a world, then, where these are the only two choices?  Me or you?  Well . . . no, but it’s a world where these can sometimes be the choices.  So, when do you hang upon the cross?  When do you come down from it?  When do you listen to your guilt, and when do you ignore it?  When do you give in, give out, give up, or give it your all?  It’s all up to you.

 

You can’t stop the Big Days from happening:

 

  • TARA:  “Straight to a new day!  Big day.  Big, big day.”
  • LITTLE BUFFY (about Dawn’s arrival):  “It’s a Big Day for me.”

 

To paraphrase Whistler, from a long ago episode, it’s the choices you make afterward that count.  Buffy and company have many choices to make.  They have many decisions ahead about what cargo to take on, and what excess baggage to throw overboard.  ‘Cause, as usual, it’s all about the journey.  Shall it be in a heavy but practical Winnebago, or in a speedy but fragile Porsche?  Or perhaps . . . can I interest you in some footwear?

 

Spicy extras for James Marsters fans

 

  • Well – Spike very pretty and curly-haired again in this episode.  I just can’t get enough of that.
  • I love everyone’s comedic timing and approach to the whole “Ben is Glory” scene.  They just make me laugh throughout.  Underneath the funny though, is an image of Spike’s words whistling, light as air, in and out of people’s ears.  There’s a cost to being so . . . non-corporeal, so to speak.
  • Spike wanders about Glory’s apartment as Willow wanders about Buffy’s head, and parallels between Glory’s condition and Buffy’s condition are deliberately being drawn here.  Like Glory, Buffy wants to go home.  And, in her own way, Buffy has Glory-like delusions of grandeur. Glory has weighed herself down with acquisitions; Buffy has weighed herself down with her own history and expectations of perfection.  Spike finds that Glory has this tiny Spartan room in her house for the much less burdened Ben (at least, he’s less burdened until he begins to feel guilt for Glory’s crimes).  And I think, if Willow had found Spike’s room in Buffy’s head, it would be much the same – with relatively little baggage, compared to Buffy.  For now.
  • Spike & Xander:  Cute, funny, and effective as a team.  I wish they would come visit me for a cup of cocoa.  I’ll leave the light on, boys.

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

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