Season 5

Episode 14

 

CRUSH:  Sleepless in Sunnydale

by Spring Summers – 22-SEP-04

 

- CluelessYou say tomatoSpike:  Blinded by the lightBuffy:  Scared of the darkA black and white picture - ChangeChoice - A sense of normalityBusiness or pleasure?For goodness’ sakeSpicy extras for James Marsters fans -

 

In this episode, Buffy sees herself as the victim of an obsessed stalker (Spike) who thinks he has the right to violently force his unwanted attentions on her.  Spike sees himself as the victim of a haughty princess (Buffy), who thinks she has the right to use him when she needs him, then coldly ignore or pound on him when she doesn’t. 

 

They are both right, and they are both wrong.  And they will both, in the far away Land of Someday, see the whole picture and understand that.   And that is what this episode is all about:  Seeing the whole picture.  It’s about the external cues that will eventually apply enough pressure to crush even the thickest shells of denial.  So toss aside your preconceptions about this polarizing episode, and place both your night-vision goggles, and your sunglasses, within easy reach.  OK.  You wide awake?  Good.  ‘Cause I don’t want to have to repeat myself 6,000 times:

 

TARA (to Willow):  “Honey, in case you didn’t hear me the first 6,000 times, no more teleportation spells.”

 

With the search for clues about the train murders as a backdrop (XANDER:  “Could you give me a clue about what kind of clues?”), this episode opens with a shot of a sign (Grand Re-opening), shows us Buffy ignoring yellow crime scene tape, and is generally chock-full of the mention and images of clueless people.  People aren’t paying attention to the signs – they need various degrees of prompting, before something breaks through to their conscious minds:

 

  • ANYA (to Xander, about Spike):  “I think you may have hurt his feelings.”  Xander casually offends a brutal killer – Anya gives him a clue.
  • JOYCE (to Buffy):  “I wasn’t feeling all that safe with you gone.” (Buffy looks from her mom to Giles.) “At first.  Then I, uh, remembered that Rupert was here, and I felt much, much, safer.” Joyce unintentionally offends Giles – Buffy gives her a clue.
  • BUFFY (to Dawn):  “Why doesn’t that register with you?  Crypt plus vampire equals bad.”  Buffy’s tone implies that she’s said this kind of thing before, but she is not getting through to Dawn.
  • DAWN (to Buffy, about Spike):  “Even if I did have a crush, he wouldn’t notice in a million years.  Not with you around.” Dawn comments on how thick Spike can be, when his focus is elsewhere.
  • DAWN (to Buffy) “Oh come on.  You didn’t notice?  Buffy, Spike is completely in love with you.”  BUFFY:  “Huh?”  Buffy has managed to avoid absorbing the 6,000 previous clues, and only becomes consciously aware of Spike’s feelings when Dawn gives her a clue.
  • SPIKE (to Buffy and Dru):  “What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women?  What the hell does it take?” Spike can’t figure out how many times or how many ways he has to make his case, before he will be understood.
  • HARMONY (to Spike):  “I thought maybe if I gave and gave and gave, maybe you’d come around.” With her constant attentions, Harmony hoped that she could make Spike cognizant and appreciative of her love for him, but nothing has worked.

 

Along with the many images of oblivious states, we also hear several references to sleeping and dreaming (i.e., an unconscious state):

 

  • BUFFY (to Spike):  “Actually, you were sleeping the sleep of the knocked unconscious.”
  • XANDER (to Buffy):  “I mean, how upset can you really get over one of Spike’s fevered daydreams that’s not gonna happen?”
  • SPIKE:  “I lie awake every night!”  BUFFY:  “You sleep during the day!”
  • SPIKE (to Buffy):  Beginning to think you’d sleep the night away.”
  • SPIKE (to Buffy):  “You’re all I bloody think about. Dream about.”

 

And we get a mention of Olaf, our destructive Id-incarnate, in the very first line of dialogue:

 

SPIKE (to Buffy):  “Bleeding crime is what it is.  Jackin’ up bar prices to pay for fixin’ up this place.  Not my fault insurance doesn’t cover Acts of Troll.” 

 

Oh – I adore this line.  If anyone could use some coverage for Troll-related damage, it’s Spike.  And listen to how Spike, a faithful worshipper at the altar of the id, substitutes the word Troll for “God.”  Notice too that he doesn’t think he should have to pay for Troll-related destruction; what the Troll does is beyond his control, after all.

 

From The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language – 4th edition

 

id n :  In Freudian theory, the division of the psyche that is totally unconscious and serves as the source of instinctual impulses and demands for immediate satisfaction of primitive needs.

 

unconscious n :  The division of the mind in psychoanalytic theory containing elements of psychic makeup, such as memories or repressed desires, that are not subject to conscious perception or control but that often affect conscious thoughts and behavior.

 

So what’s this got to do with Spike & Buffy?  This episode contains many, many shots of dancing couples, so let’s get back to the endless tango that is Spike & Buffy’s relationship:  Spike can’t understand Buffy, and Buffy can’t understand Spike.  They are both looking at the same thing – the exact same thing - their relationship.  They are both feeling, I believe, the exact same feelings for one another.  And yet, and yet:

 

Spike calls it LOVE.

 

Buffy calls it HATE.

 

How is that?  I submit to you that it is because (as we are reminded) Spike sleeps during the day, and Buffy sleeps during the night.  They are each unconscious half of the time, a different half of the time, and that affects their abilities to fully and accurately define and recognize both LOVE and HATE.

 

BLINDED BY THE LIGHT: Spike calls it LOVE, but in Fool For Love, he brags about killing two Slayers, and tells Buffy that someday she’ll want death, and that he’ll be there to provide it.  In that bragging, and in his coal-bin tale to Dawn in this episode, we note that despite his interest in impressing Buffy, Spike neither feels nor exhibits any trace of remorse for the countless, horrific murders he has committed.  Later, he allows Dru to strike Buffy with a cattle-prod, he chains Buffy up, and he threatens to let Dru kill her.  Yeeeee!  I gotta say, this really, really, doesn’t sound like LOVE, to me.

 

NIGHT BLINDNESS:  Buffy calls it HATE, but in Shadow, we learn that Buffy confided in Spike about her mother’s illness.  In Checkpoint she trusts him with the safety of her beloved mother and sister.  In Blood Ties, she chooses him as her partner in the search for Dawn, and she quietly confides her guilty feelings to him.  In this episode, when Dawn is missing, she makes an immediate beeline to Spike’s crypt for help.  Huh! I gotta say, this really, really, doesn’t sound like HATE, to me.

 

But Spike calls it LOVE because he can’t see the indicators to the contrary.  He’s not conscious during the day.  Dawn asks him about the sewers: “Is that how you get around town in the daytime?”  Spike’s lack of above-ground awareness in the daytime symbolizes the fact that he isn’t consciously aware of the instinctual impulses or spiritual needs that attract him to the light, i.e., to Buffy.  No matter how he tries, he can’t consciously understand how his lack of a soul – i.e., of a moral compass, of an ability to realize even (e.g.) that murder is wrong – is relevant to his ability to love fully.  It is relevant; Buffy is not wrong.  But think what it means if he allows himself to even begin to believe that he – he, Spike!  Love’s bitch! - doesn’t truly or completely understand the meaning of LOVE.  It would upend his world, rewrite his entire history. Buffy’s sunlit notions are not a part of his dark, Dru-inspired definition of romantic love, nor of his cherished notion of himself as The Baddest of the Bad. 

 

When Dawn says that she feels safe with Spike, he nearly chokes and insists that she “take that back!”  And notice how cruelly he rejects the suggestion by Harmony, that he is a “sweet boo-boo” with “trust issues.”  Harmony’s ditzy approach obscures the fact that she is absolutely right about everything she says:

 

HARMONY (to Dru):  “Well, you have some nerve showing up here like this - after all this time.  After breaking my sweet boo-boo’s heart.  Do you have any idea how hard it’s been to break down the walls he put up after you left?  I mean - serious trust issues.  So it’s no use crawling back to him, ‘cause Spikey don’t play that game any more, Morticia.”

 

SPIKE (much later, to himself, after shocking Dru with the cattle prod):  “I’m bloody well through playing.”

 

Harmony got it right, didn’t she?  But she nearly got killed for her trouble.  Spike hates his soft-side and he hates Harmony for seeing it - he is so very afraid of facing it or having it exposed.  His complete rejection of the William, of the “good man” that remains, is reflected in his comment to Dawn:  “Doesn’t seem to me it matters very much how you start out.”  Spike has decided his former, sensitive good-guy existence is totally irrelevant.

 

And as we learned in No Place Like Home, when you are deeply afraid of something, you don’t speak its name.   Dawn and Harmony are daring to speak the name of that piece of Spike that Spike abhors and denies, of that tiny bit of surviving goodness inside him that is pulling him toward the scary daylight.  And Spike just plain does not want to hear about it.  Access is blocked absolutely; those repressed desires are not subject to conscious perception or control by Spike - not that they don’t affect his conscious thought and behavior.   Listen to how Spike describes how it all feels to him:

 

  • SPIKE (to Buffy):  “Something’s happening to me.  I can’t stop thinking about you.” 
  • SPIKE (to Buffy):  “You’re all I bloody think about.  You’re in my gut, you’re in my throat, I’m drowning in you Summers, I’m drowning in you.”
  • SPIKE (to Buffy):  “You think I like having you in here?  Destroying everything that was me, until all that’s left is you in a dead shell.  You say you hate it, but you won’t leave.”

 

Spike is so out of touch with that part of himself that is attracted to Buffy’s sunlight, that he is experiencing the upward push as wholly external to himself.  It seems to Spike that it is originating from a mysterious outside force or from a foreign body (Buffy) that’s set up shop inside him, without his consent.  But there is no puppeteer - not the kind that works from the outside with strings, nor the kind that puts her hand inside.  It’s all Spike.  It’s that tiny, intermittent internal flame that he won’t – he can’t, at this point – consciously access or own. 

 

SPIKE (to Buffy):  “This, with you, is wrong.  I know it.  I’m not a complete idiot.”

 

Listen to him.  He has no idea why he’s behaving the way he’s behaving.  It doesn’t make a bit of sense to him.  He can’t, for the life of him, figure it out.  Spike is drawn to the light, and you know what?  It’s not, ultimately, about what Dru did to him, or what The Initiative did to him, or about anything Buffy is doing to him:  He merely wants it.

 

To paraphrase the song that opens this episode (Play It By Ear, Summercamp):  Spike’s confused, and he thinks he’s hearing voices.

 

And below is some further evidence of Spike’s instinctive ability to parse the darkness (rather than the light):

 

·           Dressed as The Slayer, Harmony is stalking about the crypt in the semi-darkness, pretending to sneak up on Spike.  But Spike tackles her.

·           Spike, who claims that he can sense Buffy’s darkest and most deeply buried desires, tells a story about listening - very, very, carefully - and hearing the tiniest of sighs, from a little girl, hiding in the darkest place you can imagine – a coal bin.   And despite the pretty cover story he concocts, we know he was planning to find that little girl in order to satiate his own hunger. 

·           He hears Dru make a small sound in the darkness, and asks:  “Who’s there?”

 

That Spike – he’s not so good at locating the source of that tiny inner voice hiding in the light, but he sure is good at sensing and finding females hiding in the night, isn’t he?   That’s ‘cause he sleeps like the dead during the day.  But he lies awake - wide-eyed, hyper-alert - every night.

 

And Buffy - Buffy calls the feeling between them HATE because she can’t see the indicators to the contrary, because Buffy sleeps during the night.  She isn’t consciously aware of what goes on in the darkness, of the instinctual impulses and baser needs that attract her to the shadows i.e., to Spike.  She can’t understand how her feelings for Spike, how those primitive and violent reactions, could be relevant to her ability to love fully.   They are relevant; Spike is not wrong.  But think what it means if she allows herself to even begin to believe that she – she, Buffy!  Of Buffy&Angel-4eva! - doesn’t truly or completely understand the meaning of LOVE.  It would upend her world, rewrite entire her history. Spike’s moonlit notions are not a part of her idealized, Angel-inspired definition of romantic love, nor of her cherished notion of herself as The Perfect Hero.  

 

When Dawn suggests that Spike and Angel are not so different, Buffy turns away and says, “I can’t listen to this!”  And notice how strongly she rejects Spike’s suggestion that there is “heat” and “desire” between them.  At first, she even claims that there are “no feelings” between them, before she will admit to feelings of revulsion alone.

 

Notice how, early in this ep, we get a reminder of what I mentioned above, from No Place Like Home – when you are deeply afraid of something, you don’t speak its name:

 

TARA (to Buffy, after Buffy says she’d rather not hear Glory’s name):  “Let’s just call she who will not be named another name.”
BUFFY (noticing Ben):  “Ben!”

 

Buffy won’t say the dark-side of name GLORY, but she will say the light-side name of BEN.  She won’t let Spike call what she feels for a soulless vampire LOVE, but she will call it HATE.  When it comes to admitting an attraction to a vampire, she won’t let Dawn use the name SPIKE; she will use the name ANGEL (“Angel’s different.”) 

 

In the suggestion that Buffy could be attracted to something that is “dead and evil and a vampire,” Spike and Dawn are seeing the darker, the Slayer-side of Buffy, that piece of Buffy that is drawn to the dark and scary woods.  And Buffy just plain doesn’t want to hear about it.  Access is blocked absolutely; those repressed desires are not subject to conscious perception or control by Buffy - not that they don’t affect her conscious thought and behavior.   She acknowledges that she beats Spike up a lot.  But to Buffy, her own violent penchant for making repeated, and often wholly unnecessary, physical contact with Spike is significant only in terms of what it means to Spike: Third base.  It doesn’t even occur to Buffy that her compulsion to pound on Spike might say anything about her, i.e. that it might be speaking to her unconscious desires.

 

In Fool For Love:

 

SPIKE (to Buffy):  Hit me.  Come on.  One good swing.  You know you want to.”

 

And she does want to hit him, she always wants to hit him, and she always does.  But to Buffy’s conscious mind, this whole business about any type of attraction between her and Spike is just “some weird Spike thing.” It has nothing do with her.

 

When Willow tells Buffy that she needs to shut Spike down completely, she says “If he thinks there’s even a little chance with you, there’s no telling what he’ll do.”  But when Buffy gets the opportunity, here’s what she says to Spike:

 

BUFFY:  “The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious.”

 

Well, now – that answer makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?  Because it’s Buffy’s id, her unconscious, that wants Spike.  Remember how, when Olaf challenged Buffy’s idealized view of romantic love, she got really, really angry?  She beat the daylights out of Olaf and sent him on his way.  But someday, she’s not going to be able to beat back the Troll and hang on to her illusions.  Someday, she’ll finally make contact with those deep dark desires and let her unconscious loose.  And the second – the second that happens, Spike will get his chance with her.  He’ll be there.  He’ll slip in.  Have himself a real good day.  Buffy, on the other hand, will have herself one wicked night.

 

So the big picture, which neither party sees fully, is this:  Buffy & Spike have a very real, very strong, attraction to one another.  It’s not true LOVE – in different ways, neither party is mature enough, or has a full enough understanding of love, or of him or her self, to love in a complete, adult, selfless manner.  Spike’s soulless state makes it impossible for him; Buffy’s youth and limited experience make it impossible for her.  But there are elements of LOVE:  There is heat and there is desire and there is a strong, instinctual understanding of one another.  It’s not true HATE either.  In the continual way they seek each other out and rely on one another, we note that both parties feel an affinity for each another.  It’s an affinity that makes the idea that what they have between them is unadulterated “loathing and revulsion” impossible to believe.  But there are elements of real HATRED:  There is cruelty, and there is abuse.

 

The fact that neither party is seeing the full picture is emphasized with repeated images of blindness:

 

·           Dru’s dolly is blindfolded.

·           Spike talks about blinding pain.

·           Dru mentions she doesn’t believe in molecules, because she doesn’t believe in what she can’t see.  (Though she sure feels those electrons flow out of the cattle prod later, doesn’t she?  Seems that just because you can’t see something, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there - and it doesn’t mean it can’t affect you.)

 

And further underlining the way our preconceptions and fears can blind us to the big picture are the many instances of people misplacing both credit and blame.  Some examples are below:

 

·           Though he did it, Buffy won’t give Spike any credit for trying to help with the fight against Glory.

·           Though he didn’t do it, Buffy gives Ben credit for helping Dawn at the hospital.

·           Though she didn’t do it, Buffy blames Dawn for stealing her blue cashmere sweater.

·           Though they didn’t do it, Spike accuses two male vamps of committing the train-murders.

·           Though she isn’t responsible, Spike blames Dru for all his troubles.

 

There is also an incidence of correctly placed blame, when Xander realizes that Spike has stolen his change.  There are many references to change in this episode:

 

  • XANDER:  Hey, where’s my change?”
  • In a University building, Willow gives Tara some change to use in a nearby vending machine.
  • BUFFY:  Angel was good!”  SPIKE:  “And I can be too. I’ve changed, Buffy.”  BUFFY:  “What - that chip in your head? That’s not change. That’s just holding you back. You’re like a serial killer in prison!”
  • DRU:  “Not nice to change the game in mid-play, Spike.”
  • HARMONY:  I thought I could change you, Spike.”
  • SPIKE (to Buffy):  “So we had a fight. It’s not our first, love, and it doesn’t change anything.”  BUFFY:  “It changes everything, Spike!”

 

And we’re looking at the nature of change.  What we learn is that change is a slow, laborious process.  I’ve experienced moments of profound revelation in my life, moments that left me giddy with the feeling that “everything is different, now.”  But everything wasn’t different, not automatically.  No, it’s not that easy.  For true change to follow an epiphany, much time and effort and vigilance - and patience with the inevitable backsliding - is required.

 

XANDER:  “The point is, I work hard for that money.”

SPIKE:  “And you’re saying I didn’t?”

XANDER:  “You stole it!”

SPIKE:  “And you’re making it into very hard work.”

 

Hee.  But underneath the funny is the image of Spike trying to grab change the easy way.  He’s trying to steal the change that Xander’s been acquiring the hard way.  But cashing in on Xander’s payday isn’t going to work.  Change is going to happen for Spike, but only after he works harder, and pays more dearly for it, than he can even begin to imagine.

 

And look who else is stealing in this episode:  None other than Buffy!  We hear that Buffy hasn’t read the book she was supposed to read for class; she hopes to pass a test without doing the work.  She’s looking for an easy way out by renting the video.  Later we watch Spike boldly steal a beer off a waitresses’ tray.   But what strikes me is how his brash attitude and action so perfectly mirror what we see Buffy do in an earlier scene:  Without asking, and without a word of explanation or apology, she snatches a newspaper out of a male college student’s hand - while he is still reading it.  So there you have it, Buffy & Spike, both trying to steal what they need in exactly the same way - imperiously, as if they have the right to take what they need without any consideration for others, and without having to pay for it.  The twin scenes speak volumes about how Buffy & Spike are treating each other in this episode:

 

  • As he did when he had “hubby by the throat” in the coal bin story, Spike, by threatening to let Dru murder Buffy, attempts to coerce an unearned invite into Buffy’s heart.  He says at the beginning of the episode that he thinks his Glory-fighting should have earned him a “sliver of slack.”  Fair enough.  But it turns out our boy’s actually looking to pocket much, much more than he’s yet earned. 
  • In the past two episodes, Buffy has asked for, and received, Spike’s help.   In this episode, she goes to his crypt to ask for his help again.  She wants and needs Spike’s help, but in her attitude toward him in public, we see that she expects the giving to be entirely one-way, and absolutely cost-free.  Hers is more of a white-collar crime than Spike’s, but it’s still stealing.

 

But things are not hopeless for our dishonest duo.  Buffy can’t openly or consciously acknowledge the change taking place in Spike – it’s too upsetting, in too many enormous ways.  She can’t allow herself to believe or perceive that a soulless vampire could love in any way, or change even a teensy-weensy bit, without toppling her most prized possession:  her very elaborate Angel shrine.  But Buffy’s actions speak louder than her words.  Her recent, repeated reliance on Spike suggests that she has sensed, unconsciously, the real change that is starting to take place in him.  That Spike has actually begun, and will continue, to change is suggested in this episode by his very human food preferences, and particularly by his taste for the “flowering onion.”  Did you know that something as nasty as an onion could turn into a flower?  And Buffy also refers to him as a bud:

 

JOYCE (about Spike’s infatuation):  “Better to nip this in the bud before - ”

BUFFY:  “The bud nips me?”

 

Wipe those smirks off your faces!  For heaven’s sake, S’cubies.  The primary symbolism here isn’t about the double entendre, but about Spike’s infant state, and about foreshadowing his future growth.  The potential is there.  We see it when he choses his Buffy over his Dru; Dru knows it when she tells him that he’s “lost” to her.  But whether Spike blossoms or not is all up to Spike.  That people are, ultimately, each responsible for the course of their own journeys is emphasized by the mention and use of clothes in this episode:  Spike goes all metrosexual on us when he’s courting Buffy, but he goes back to basic black for Dru; Ben coyly mentions his extensive wardrobe;  Buffy wears a metallic looking overcoat - very chic and shieldy.

 

SPIKE (to Buffy, at The Bronze):  “Suit yourself!”

SPIKE (to Buffy, in the car):  “Suit yourself!”

 

That’s what we all do in the end:  We suit ourselves.  We make our own choices, for our own reasons, and in doing so we become whatever it is we are meant to become.  We determine the paths our lives will take.  Sort of.  Kind of.  In Crush, with Spike’s struggle front-and-center, we’re looking at the dual nature of the freedom of choice.  Here are some verses from the opening song (Play It By Ear) again:

 

I'm amused by the overwhelming choices,

I guess the hardest part is knowing when to stop.

I’m confused, and I think I’m hearing voices.

Things are happening so fast,

Do I save the best for last?

But I'll have to play it by ear,

I can't see that far from here,

I'm defined by everything that I know,

And I'm tempted by the rest.

 

When Spike is telling Dawn his coal bin story, Buffy stops him from finishing the account of his past crime by suddenly interrupting him (SPIKE:  “Bloody hell!”).  When Dru is attempting to reclaim Spike for the dark side, Harmony temporarily halts the proceedings by suddenly interrupting him (SPIKE:  “Bloody hell!”)  But at The Bronze, Dru kills a girl and tosses her to Spike.  And neither Buffy, nor Spike’s Buffy-substitute (Harmony), is present.  However, Dru, his black beauty, is present - and staring right at him, expectantly.  And there Spike is, without any inner resources to help him with the hardest part (knowing when to stop.)  He goes into vamp-face, he lowers his head, he sinks his fangs, and he drinks.  It’s a testament to Spike’s budding potential, it’s a confirmation of the existence of that weak, freaky, internal flame, that he hesitates at all.  Because the standard model vampire doesn’t come with breaks, I’m thinking.

 

Listen to a few lines from the song Spike begins to sing in the car, during his “date” with Buffy:

 

I Wanna Be Sedated , The Ramones:

 

I wanna be sedated,

Just get me to the airport, put me on a plane,

Hurry, hurry, hurry, before I go insane,

I can't control my fingers, I can't control my brain.

 

It’s not so simple is it?  Determining how much choice any of us really has, when we often seem such slaves – when we seem in bondage to our own instincts, to desires that we are barely aware of, much less in control of.  In the face of the relentless forces lined up against us, and the temptations placed in our paths, change is just so hard to do. 

 

To one extent or another, we all fight change; change is scary and change is hard.  We all make attempts to cling to the past, to the people and the places and the selves that are safe and familiar.


BUFFY (about Dawn):  “We’ve been going easy on her the last week – letting things slide.” 

GILES:  “Oh, I don’t think that’s at all wise.”

BUFFY:  “You don’t? 

GILES:  “No, the best thing you can do now is behave as you always have.  Any special treatment at this stage is likely to undermine Dawn’s sense of normality.”

 

In an episode full of references to movies and TV and games and stories and what’s funny and what’s serious, we explore the individual way we each define reality, and how any challenge to our sense of normality upsets us and sends us scrambling to restore the old order:

 

·           Xander – he’s big, funny, Xander.  Dawn thinks he’s the greatest.    When he learns that Dawn may have a crush on Spike, he says:  “She just suddenly decides I’m not the cool one any more?  Why is that OK?”  Xander apparently placed value on Dawn’s admiration; it added support to his treasured but tenuous view of himself as One Cool Guy.  He protests the very idea that Dawn’s feelings might have changed.

·           Harmony – she’s Harmony, Spike’s Girlfriend.  She’s established her identity through Spike, but he’s willing to dump her at the first sign of Dru.  Why is that OK?  She protests:  “Why, because she’s back?”

·           Buffy – she’s The Slayer, and she fights evil with clarity and competence.  Vampires should react to her the way those two “poofters” do when they run at the sight of her.  But Spike feels so comfy with her that he sits right down across from her at The Bronze.  Why is that OK?  It challenges Buffy’s view of herself as a Heroic Do-Gooder.   She makes Spike leave.

·           Spike – he’s a Vampire, little girls should hide from him, trembling in terror.  But Dawn feels safe with him.  Why is that OK?  It challenges his view of himself as a Big Bad.  He makes Dawn “take it back.”

·           Dru – She’s Daddy’s Treasure, but Daddy Angelus tried to burn her.  Why is that OK?  It drives Dru back to Spike as she tries to rebuild the family she once knew.

·           Buffy & Spike:  They both believe they’ve known The Perfect Love, with perfect angels (Angel, and dark angel Dru, respectively.)  We can hear it their words - how highly each has idealized his or her loved one and the relationship.  But now they are challenging each other’s most cherished views of that most valued history, aren’t they?  And why is that OK?  They each reject the other’s viewpoint absolutely.

 

When Joyce is confronted with the unpleasant reality that she has hurt Giles’ feelings, she attempts what Giles calls a “little backpedal.”  The dialogue in this episode is full of references to the word “back,” and images of people moving backwards:  The train porter attempts to escape the scary reality in front of him.  He backs away, and then runs, but he is pulled backward onto the train.  Harmony backs away from Spike.  Everyone is trying to avoid facing painful realities by going back to where they feel safer and more comfortable.

 

Below are some lines from the song that plays while Dru & Spike are dancing (If You Forget Me, Devics):

 

You think you can have both of them and I want you to know,

That I'm in, I'm in,

And this time I'm staying to bury the trail that you left, you left,

And if I was cold, well then you would stay inside me, warm me,

Here I'm safe so here I stay,

Lift me out, lift the doubt.

 

It’s tempting, to try to stay where you feel safe, and to not let anything upset your sense of normality.  But it’s not only Dawn that Buffy should have been worrying about, when it comes to maintaining a sense of normality. Buffy is being truthful when she tells Joyce that she can’t imagine how she might have given Spike the wrong signals.  She really has no conscious idea.  But take a look at these exchanges:

 

SPIKE:  “I got a bit of info you might be keen on knowing.”
BUFFY:  “Sorry, all out of cash.  Why don’t you hit on – hit up Giles.” (Nice Freudian slip there, Buff.)

 

And later, in the car:


BUFFY (to Spike):  “So if you’re not doing this for the money, why are you-?”

 

Buffy is worried about Spike’s willingness to help without submitting an invoice.  But it was Buffy who first suggested that Spike should help her without the usual exchange of cash:

 

From Checkpoint:

BUFFY:  I need your help.”

SPIKE:  “Great.  I need your cash.”

BUFFY:  “I’m serious. You have to look after them.”

 

It was Buffy who first openly moves the relationship from business to personal (SPIKE, to Buffy:  “Two people, in the workplace - feelings develop.”)  But now, in telling Spike to hit up Giles for cash, she’s doing quite the little back step.  So her unconscious, at least, is aware of the dance she has been doing with Spike.  In fact, that same unconscious drives her to continue the dance, since she quickly accepts Spike’s proposal to help with the train murders, gratis.

 

But it’s Buffy’s conscious mind that’s at all the major controls.  So dark and dirty desires to the contrary, at the end of this episode, Buffy revokes Spike’s prized and long-standing invite into the Summers' home.  She may not see very well in the darkness, but she still knows right from wrong; she hasn’t lost a speck of her ability to see in the light.  She decides that she’s not about to let this remorseless killer another inch closer to her or her family.  With his cattle prod and chains and death threats, he has given her more than enough reason to conclude that he has no idea when or how to stop.    

 

That part’s easy – understanding that Murderer plus Obsessed Stalker equals Time to Lock Your Doors.  But the big picture is complex, and part of what this episode examines is the ambiguous nature of goodness.  It does so mostly through the soul/chip debate and the related Spike and Angel comparisons.

 

Angel’s different. He has a soul,” says Buffy to Dawn.   “Angel was good!” says Buffy to Spike.  But the unequivocal tone of her staunch declarations are more about the way Buffy sleeps through the night, than they are about Angel’s actual, complex, two-sided nature.  We are deliberately reminded of that duality:

 

  • Buffy tells Spike that his chip makes him like “a serial killer in prison.”  It’s a fair description of Spike’s state, but it also reminds me strongly of Angel – who seems to feel and behave exactly like an escaped serial killer, whenever he is freed of his soul.
  • Dru tells Spike about “Angelus setting us [Dru and Darla] on fire.”  Over on his own series, Angel’s got everyone wondering about his goodness.  And notice how Dru herself doesn’t distinguish between Angel and Angelus.  It all serves to emphasize the fact that Buffy only sees half the picture, only the daylight view of Angel, and that it is not, in reality, so simple.
  • Joyce and Willow worry mightily about how dangerous a smitten Spike might become, reminding us of their previous experience with Angel.  They plainly don’t want to go through that again.

 

The message, I believe, is this:  Only you can make you good.  A soul doesn’t make you good, and a chip doesn’t make you good, and love doesn’t make you good.  You have to want to be good.  And a soul is needed to provide the inner resources to support that independent desire, to provide the ability to both understand the value of goodness for its own sake, and to recognize right from wrong.  A soul will give Spike the tool he needs to achieve his unconscious desire to return to the light, independent of the chip, or Buffy, or Dawn, or anyone else.  A soul will allow him to “know when to stop,” all on his own. 

 

But again, a soul can’t make you good, and it can’t make temptations any less tempting.  Angel has a soul, he feels remorse for his past crimes, and he can distinguish right from wrong all on his own.  But he is not perfectly good.  Buffy may not be able to see his dark side, but Angel feels it, and he grapples mightily with his demon - and he doesn’t always win. 

 

Only you can make you good, only you can say yes or no to the temptations in your path.

 

What’s building inside Spike is a desire to be good, which will eventually become an impetus to acquire the independent means to do so (a soul.)   At the end of this episode, though, it all seems to have fallen apart before it’s even begun.  Spike’s small and shaky beginning has been very thoroughly destroyed by his own, ubiquitous Olaf.  But as we can see in The Bronze, with enough effort and investment, it’s possible to rebuild - even after Acts of Troll.  Let’s look forward to the Grand Re-Opening.

 

Spicy Extras for James Marsters fans:

 

  • James’ work in this episode is truly extraordinary.  He’s hopeful, he’s shy, he’s nervous, he’s nasty, he’s hurt, he’s evil personified, he’s relaxed, he’s angry, he’s vulnerable, he’s determined, he’s . . . he’s Spike.  Never once does he seem out-of-character; it just works.  The way he tells the coal bin story, the inflections in his voice as he argues with Buffy during their “date,” the look on his face at the end . . . I could go on and on.  Really, really impressive stuff.
  • Those olive green pants Spike wears when he climbs out of the lower level of the crypt and runs into Dawn?  They do things for him.  If you are so inclined, you might want to take advantage of your slo-mo, pause, and zoom DVD features in this scene, particularly the part where he lights his cigarette and he’s lifting his arms, as he tells Dawn to “go home,” he’s got “things to do.” 
  • Love the Spike & Dru dance.  They have such an enchantingly evil elegance about them.  And that song.  Hooray, Thomas Wanker.  Brilliant scoring elevates the whole episode.
  • Spike & Joyce:  This is our last Spike & Joyce moment, and it is a good one.  Spike is doing the classic “trying to impress the mom” thing.  And when we remember him awkwardly sitting in Joyce’s living room in Season 2, trying cluelessly to make small talk by mentioning the hatchet to his head, we realize he’s learned a few lessons since then, about how to be around humans, and about what they expect.  It all seems so futile, but he’s trying so hard.  And Joyce is so good to him.
  • David Fury:  I love his work here.  He knows what he’s doing with Spike, Buffy, and with the Spike & Buffy relationship.  With the exception of the bit-too-obvious Esmeralda reference, the treatment is extremely clever, subtle and masterful.  This brilliant episode says so much more than it seems to say on its surface, and that’s neither accident nor illusion.   I wish the talented Mr Fury had turned more of a deaf ear to the unwarranted criticism he received, because I think he became a bit reactionary, and to some extent, it eventually negatively affected his Spike-related perspective and work. 
  • Whenever I hear Joyce ask Buffy if she has ever unintentionally encouraged Spike, I always think of Faith:  “I could squeeze till you popped like warm champagne . . .  I guess that qualifies as encouragement, no?
  • Michelle T is so wonderful in this episode.  I love all the Spike & Dawn scenes. I especially like the perfect way Michelle plays the scene where Dawn manipulates Spike, into letting her stay in the crypt, by playing the Buffy-card.  What a little minx.  And then the way she listens to that story of gruesome murders – a story being told by the murderer himself!  (But we hear how Dawn copes with the whole thing:  She seems to have told herself it’s a storytelling session, nothing more.) 
  • Sarah is also absolutely wonderful.  I especially love her “eeewwwws” in the car.  James and Sarah do such a great job of balancing the funny with the pathos.  Amazin’.

 

***

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