by Rob Sorenson

Xander was exhausted. It'd been a long day at the site, and he just wanted to shower, eat and go to bed. He was almost too tired to make jokes. After a blessedly long, hot soak he made his way down the stairs for a huge chunk of Dawn's lasagna. She'd basically taken over cooking chores due to Buffy's complete ineffectiveness in the kitchen, and Xander thought everyone was better for it. Faith was on her way over for dinner, as cooking wasn't a strong suit for her either. "Dawn-Patrol, we got Italian eats on the table yet?"

"10 minutes Xand. Keep your pants on."

"Smile when you say that, you little bundle of jail-bait, you." Dawn made a face and turned away to hide her grin and blush. <How does he always make me do that>?

"I'll be in the living room, ok, hon?"

"You'll hear me hollering when it's ready." Xander slumped on the couch and eyed the TV remote, wondering if he wanted to expend the energy to reach over for it. <Damn, I really AM tired. I hope Faith won't want to...> He took a deep breath. <Just admit it, man. You don't have what it takes.> For the first time in his life, he wishes he shared some of Spike's physical characteristics. He heard soft footfalls making their way down the steps and knew it would be Buffy before he saw her--and winced as he felt the pain she was in. His two Slayers had beaten up on each other pretty good that day, he imagined. He mustered up a smile as she headed for him with a slight limp and a rueful smile of her own, responding to his feelings.

"Yeah, I know Xander. It's hard to explain us sometimes, but Slayers are naturally competitive. We pull back enough to avoid heavy damage, though."

"So who won?" She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head slightly at the silliness of the question.

"Who do you think? I wrapped her up in a jiu-jitsu hold and made her say uncle. Took 45 minutes though. She's really gotten better...but I'll always have two years on her as a Slayer, and I keep learning all the time."

Xander sighed and looked away. "Sometimes I worry..." He stopped himself. <What the Hell are you thinking? I SO do not want Buffy to hear about my insecurities again...especially these.> He looked back into her eyes and saw understanding. Xander shook his head in frustration. "You know, this is the first time I've felt this way, but there are some things in my head I wish you couldn't sense." He put his head down and closed his eyes, hoping she'd let it go. No such luck. Buffy scooted close to him on the couch.

"Xander, the fact that we sense each other on a different level makes this a lot easier. Come on, some part of you understands that I'm the perfect person to talk to about this."

"Nope. Correction, Buff. No man with an ounce of self-respect would talk to anyone about this. Apparently a total lack of dignity comes with the title of Slayerette." He tried to rise, but Buffy placed her hand firmly on his shoulder.

"Xand, please let me help you. Just talk. You know it goes no further than here."

Xander's eyes flashed with anger. "Ok, fine. Faith is a Slayer, and I think Slayers have needs I can't meet. I know she has to hold back with me, and it makes me feel weak. I'm not enough of a man for her. Happy?"

Buffy's heart broke for him as she saw the look of shame and self doubt in his eyes, and she resolved to make it better. "Ok, Xand, you shared. My turn. Yes, it's obviously true that Faith has physical capabilities that you'll never have. That doesn't mean she holds back."

"You held back with Riley."

Her eyes widened at this. "All right, I'm starting to see your point about certain thoughts that don't want to be shared. It's true that I held back with Riley, but not for the reasons you're sensing. You know, you were right when you told me I was treating him like the rebound guy. What I held back was my emotion; it was nothing physical. Therefore things weren't as good as they could have been for us sexually."

"So you weren't worried about...well..."

"Squishing him?" Buffy finished with a grin. "No. When you have the strength that Faith and I do you instinctively know how and when to apply it...after a short period of time. I broke quite a few jars of peanut butter when I was first called. Mom called me the Skippy serial killer."

Xander couldn't help but laugh. "Buffy the Smucker's Slayer." She slapped him on his shoulder and continued. "My point is I don't think Faith is holding back. Has she hurt you?" Buffy said with sudden concern.

"No, never. That's what makes me think I'm not everything she needs. If she's not...going all out then I'm not satisfying her." Buffy shook her head. "Has Faith ever hinted to you that she'd like more than you can give?"

"Well, no. In terms of frequency, she couldn't. We really don't go a day without..." He shrugged with a little embarrassment, and Buffy was amused.

"I know Xander. There's nothing in Giles books about it, but there's no doubt in my mind that the sex drive of a Slayer is equal to her almost primal need to slay demons. Trust me on that one. Xand, you have no idea what it took for Faith to hold back in those first three months you were together. Believe me when I tell you this: when she told me about that I KNEW she loved you. For a Slayer, abstaining like that for a man that she truly cares for is the ultimate sacrifice."

"Ok, but I always figured the reason that you were with vampires was the natural gifts that they have, and humans couldn't make you..." Buffy was hurt. He regretted what he said instantly.

"Xander, do you really think I was with Angel then and Spike now because of that? I know you don't think I'm that shallow. I'm with Spike because I love him, and he loves me. Is the sex good? Hell yes. I'm sure not apologizing for that. Does he have capabilities you don't? Yes, he does. However, Spike's skin is cool and his heart doesn't beat. He's learning to deal with his pain and guilt from the suffering he's caused, and he's unsure of himself emotionally. Slowly, but surely, he's opening up...but I know you Xander. I know your heart. Your heart has been open to those you care about your entire life. Spike went 123 years without a soul, so it'll take a long time for him to adjust to humanity and completely open himself to me like I want him to. You have no such problems, and you know as well as I do making love is as emotional as it is physical when it's right."

"I'm sorry Buff. I never meant to hurt your feelings that way." Buffy took his hand in acceptance.

"It's ok, Xand. I just hope you can understand that Spike and me have our own set of problems when it comes to perfect intimacy."

Xander again looked down at his shoes. "I guess. I don't know. Faith is such a physical person."

Buffy sighed. "Ok, Xander, you asked for it." He eased backward. "I'm not going to hit you, silly. I'm going to show you something. We're going to a parallel universe for a second, where Spike and Faith don't exist. I'm still the Slayer, and you're still you. Look in my eyes and tell me if you think we'd be good together."

"Buff, I'm not doing that. No way."

She glared at him. "Just do it. Come on; look at me. We are going to do this one time and one time only. Tell me what you sense." Xander and Buffy stared for a full five seconds, and the carpenter shrank back to the edge of the couch. "Holy God." Buffy smiled at him. "There's your answer. You and I together that way would have been amazing, and I am most definitely a Slayer. I hope that answers your question, because we are NEVER going there again." She smiled at him and leaned her head on his shoulder. "Thank you, Buffy."

"No, thank you, Xand. That was some five seconds." The doorbell rang, and Buffy stiffly rose up to get it. "Hey Faith, come on in."

"What's up, B?" Faith had a bruise on her forehead and she too walked with a limp. "Damn, something smells good. Lasagna?"

"Yup."

"IT'S REEEEEEAAAAAADYYYY!!!" Buffy spun in annoyance.

"God, Dawn, do you have to scream at everyone?" The Key smirked, hands on hips.

"I told Xander I'd holler for him." Xander decided to head for the kitchen, and briefly considered responding to that statement with a lewd comment, but Buffy's _expression helped him to recover his common sense in time. Faith did a little strut toward her man as he raised himself from the couch.

"Hey, X-man...give me some sugar." They kissed for a few seconds, and his hunger for food suddenly had a competitor from an entirely different appetite. She gave him a filthy cute grin. "Pasta, first, baby. Dessert later. Bring your tool belt." She turned and strode into the kitchen quickly, swaying her hips for him with ferocious intent. Buffy leaned toward Xander.

"Are you totally out of your mind? If she's acting like that for you, ain't no way you're not banging the gong. Ok?" They laughed until they heard an ice-cold voice from behind them.

"Repeat that for me, would you please? I'd love to hear from both of you how my business partner is sleeping with Faith and my other best friend is keeping it from me. Please. Take your time." They turned slowly to face the dark, ominous eyes of Willow Rosenberg on the front steps.

<Uh oh. Judging by that _expression I think I should've asked if Spike knew that genital protection spell by heart.>

- End Chapter Four -