by Rob Sorenson

Buffy stood stock still in the Sunnydale night. <Here I thought overhearing Xander and Spike laughing together would be the most interesting development of the evening. Just goes to show what happens when you assume things, even over a dormant Hellmouth.> Finally, the blonde Slayer found her voice. "Could you repeat that?" Her brunette counterpart glowered at Buffy.

"You trying to torture me or something, B? I said it once, and I'm not gonna say it again." She turned away, suddenly unable to look at Buffy in the eye.

"Faith, you just told me you love Xander. No, wait, let's be more precise," she corrected herself. "You said you were IN love with Xander. We've had our ups and downs over the years, but one word that I can honestly say that I've never heard from your lips is the magic L-word."

"You mean Loser?" It was Buffy's turn to glare at her former partner in crime.

"No, Faith, I mean the magic word you said referring to Xander."

"Actually, B, I was still talking about him. When I first met Xander, I thought he was a loser." Buffy stiffened and her eyes widened slightly. "Easy, girl. Look, I'm gonna give you the whole story, but cut me a little slack. I'm not calling him a loser now." Buffy relaxed again, leaning back against a tombstone. Faith could no longer see Buffy's facial expressions; now her face appeared to be a dark specter, with her only visible feature the outline of golden blonde hair framed by the moonlight.

"When I first hit town and met you guys at the Bronze, I had Xander pegged as a hanger on, just some coattail rider hanging with the Slayer to bump up his cool factor a few notches." Faith didn't see Buffy smile at that. If there was one certainty about their days at Sunnydale High, it was the utter lack of cool in being the Slayer's friend...at least to the outside observer. Faith continued her attempted explanation.

"My next thought was that he might be gay, you know with his hanging out with girls and his wardrobe choices." Buffy couldn't help herself now, and burst out laughing. Faith was encouraged. <Ok, she's listening at least. I can't screw this up.>

"Yeah, I know B, but may I repeat, cut me some slack. I didn't know anyone at the time, and I was in no frame of mind to really get to know anyone. I was kind of lost. Look, I don't talk about this shit very often, but for you to understand this, you gotta know details. I was born in LA...somewhere. I may never know exactly where or when. Buffy, I don't know my own birthdate within a couple of months, and I have no record of my true last name."

Buffy was startled by two things: Faith's almost non-existent usage of her full first name in conversation, and Buffy's own total lack of awareness of Faith's past. "My only memories as a child are of being moved from one home to the other. A couple of the families weren't so bad, really, but when a kid reaches a certain age their chances of being adopted permanently get smaller and smaller. Parents want babies, not 9 year olds who've been partially raised by others. At that time I was taken in by a family in Brentwood. It was a nice house, with a white picket fence and a pool in the back yard. I was finally enrolled in a public school for more than a year, and I was starting to develop some friendships and getting decent grades. I thought I finally had a home, and a family, and people who cared about me. It all changed right around the time I was 11, when the Bastard slipped into my room for the first time. You don't need too many details there, I hope, because you ain't gettin' 'em."

Buffy was frozen in place, her face drained of color. "Anyway, he kept up his nightly fun for 2 years, almost every day in that time. My grades went to shit; my friends couldn't hang around me any more because of my mood swings. One day I was quiet, the next I wanted to fight everyone. Whoever I was had been reduced to a shell. I wasn't a person. I was a vessel. Then one day everything changed. I ran away and didn't come back. I had nothing but the streets now, but I was a developing 13 year old, and I knew there was one thing I could do well to make money." Buffy had no strength in her legs any more. She sank to the ground at the foot of the tombstone. Faith was too caught up in her account to notice. "Two years of that and I was able to carve out an existence. Calling it a life would be an insult to life. Then...I was called."

Buffy found her voice at that statement. "Faith, I'm confused. You said you were 11 when...it started. 4 years later...."

"Buffy, when I met you guys I was 15 years old. You're three years older than me...or thereabouts." Faith smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I looked as old as you guys, but I was actually older, if that makes any sense. The Bastard had seen to that. God, B, the power we have. You have no idea how someone who's been a victim her entire life would react to it. I don't want to say that your parents breaking up wasn't bad, but your Mom...was there for you, even if you didn't get that at the time. I had no one. My first Watcher was slaughtered in front of me. That's where my head was at when I first met you guys. I'm not trying to excuse myself for the things I did, because I was wrong. No matter what happened to me before, wrong was wrong. Thing is, it's easier to see that line now. Anyway, the reason I tell you this now is Xander. He thought it would be better if you knew my whole story."

Buffy thought she knew why. Whenever the three of them were in the same room she'd sensed overwhelming sadness and compassion in him, at an even more intense level than usual. She'd repeatedly asked why, and he'd dodged the question, and it had hurt her. There was, in her heart, nothing she couldn't share with him any more, and she'd never thought he'd keep a secret from her...but this wasn't his secret. He was right to be loyal to Faith, and she felt slightly guilty for prodding him.

"I figured you were probably hounding him about it since you guys have this Psychic Friends thing going." Buffy's mouth dropped open. "Xander trusts me, B. No one else ever truly has outside of the Mayor. He knows I wouldn't tell anyone unless he gave the ok. All right, enough prancing down my own personal memory lane. Another reason I'm telling you this is so you can understand my feelings. After that night in the cave, I was a little charged up. I don't know if you remember what I'm like when that happens, but..."

"Yes, Faith, I remember. Actually I understand it a lot better now."

"The next day I went to pay the Xandman a visit. I figured he'd earned a little bit of the dirty-dirty, especially the way I'd treated him on his virgin voyage, and clearly you weren't interested in him that way. I figured I'd give him a little taste of Slayer strength and split. It's how I showed men appreciation, you know? I showed up at his door, and tried to throw a come-on line at him. He smiled at me, and I figured, hey, a little time in prison didn't hurt the old sex appeal. I started to jump him, and he pushed me off. Gotta tell you, B, the old Faith wouldn't have liked that at all. I would've just taken him right there. "Want, Take--"

"Have," Buffy finished.

"Right. So I gave him my pouty look, which had always worked before, and I asked him if he wanted some of this. I mean, I hadn't had to beg any man like that before, but maybe he hadn't been in action for a while." She walked over and sat next to Buffy, so that she could look directly into her eyes. "This is what it all comes down to, B. The answer he gave me." Faith hated to cry...it was weak. Against her will her lip began to tremble.

"He told me I was too good for this. It's not that he didn't find me attractive...he said I was beautiful. I've had bastards and LA pimps and demonic Mayors tell me that before, Buffy, but never like this. His big beautiful brown eyes just stared at me when he said it. He truly thought of me as beautiful. Then he said the damnedest thing. He took my face in his hands so gently, and told me that no one will ever hurt me again if he has anything to say about it. He said we'd both been hurt enough, and that his place was a sanctuary."

Buffy was welling up now. "So you guys didn't---?"

Faith shook her head in amazement. "He said that when I was ready to make love, he'd think about it. 'No recreational stuff' was his exact way of putting it. At least not until we were in love with each other. The last thing he said before we went to sleep that evening was that I was special, and not because I could kill demons. He said I was special because I had the inner strength to change, and that no part of me should be given to anyone who hadn't earned it. If I was going to make love to him, I'd have to make him work for it. If after three months I didn't love him, then no harm no foul. I gotta tell ya, B, that was the longest three months of my life. I wanted that guy so bad I could taste it...but I'd forgotten about his grief over Anya."

Buffy nodded, wondering when that inevitable subject would come up. After all, Xander had loved Anya, and had just lost her. "We talked a lot about her, and held nothing back. Actually there were a lot of laughs. He adored her...and will probably forever regret hurting her. I suck at comforting people Buffy, but he'd been so sweet and caring to me. All I could really do is hold him close to me. Every time I did, I could feel his interest...IF you know what I mean." The Slayers shared a grin. "He'd shake his head, and tell me that was his body, not his heart. When both our hearts were ready, we'd make love all day long in every room of the apartment. A few days later we got into a real argument for the first time, over milk, of all things. He likes 2%, I can drink all the whole milk I want. Score one for Slayer physiology, right? We were literally screaming at each other, and I raised my hand to punch him."

Again, Buffy stiffened and stared daggers at Faith. "I couldn't hit him. I wanted to, but I couldn't. He didn't move an inch when I cocked my fist, and when I put it down he looked at me and just started to laugh. I asked him what was so damn funny and he said, 'I think we're ready.' He pulled me to him and kissed me." She turned directly toward Buffy. "B, I've been kissed by more people and demons than you can imagine. It was something to be suffered through, a necessary evil to survive. This was from another planet. I'd never been kissed like that in my life. When we finally made love that afternoon for the first time, it's like I'd been born again. I know that sounds creepy, but it's how I felt. No man has ever treated me with such tenderness, and I realized that this man respected me. Not the whore, not the Slayer; he respected Faith. I've been completely in love with him ever since." She took a deep breath, and lay down on the grass, exhausted. She'd once been able to do 20-30 vamps in a night, but an emotional conversation was a drain that she'd never imagined.

"Faith?" She raised her head slowly, hoping Buffy wasn't about to start pummeling her. "I have a little bit of a confession of my own. Spike smelled you guys all over each other 2 months ago when we moved you into Xand's old apartment. I've been trying to get Xander to open up to me for a while, because he's scared of what I'll think. I was sort of hoping Spike would trick him into talking. He has a way of getting things out of Xander...but I need him to come to me. When he does, I'll tell him I understand and I love him. I'll be honest with you; with all the water that's under our bridges I hadn't learned to completely trust you yet. Xander, however, that's another matter. If he trusts you, I do. It's as simple as that."

Faith frowned at her. "You bitch, you made me tell you all that for nothing?"

Buffy smiled at her. "I think you needed to let me know in your own way." She turned serious. "Faith, I'm truly sorry for all the pain you've suffered. If I'd known you were going to dig into your painful past for me like that, I'd have stopped you. I had no idea."

"Hey, no sweat, B. I actually feel a lot better. Help me up?"

"Sure. Buffy held out her hand and Faith yanked the Blonde Slayer toward her, putting her foot into Buffy's stomach and flipping her. She hopped up and grinned wickedly.

"Gotcha. You gettin' slow in your old age, B?" Buffy glared. She leaned back and thrust herself up off her back without the aid of her hands. They circled warily, both grinning now. Finally Faith held her hands up. "Sorry about that. I haven't had any action in a while. How about we spar tomorrow?"

"You got it, F. Full pads though; I don't want to damage Xander's new girl." This earned a glare from Faith, which turned to a grin and a nod.

"Give it your best shot, B. I hear you're not even the toughest bottle blonde in your own bedroom any more." Buffy tilted her head sideways and squinted her eyes at Faith.

"Keep talking. Big sis is gonna pop a can of whoop ass on Faithy-Poo, just like she always has before."

"How are my favorite ladies?" Xander strolled around the corner of the nearest mausoleum with Spike close behind. Both Slayers broke their stare and immediately broke into wide smiles at their respective honeys. Spike was grumbling.

"Can we get the bleedin' Hell outta here? The suns gonna be up in half an hour."

Faith started. "We've been here all night? Damn, time flies. You ready to go Xand? I was wondering if you could stop by my place and check on my pipes before you go home. They seem a little tight." Buffy and Spike rolled their eyes.

"Sure, Faith. I can certainly help you flush the old plumbing." The couples parted, walking in opposite directions.

Faith stopped and turned. "Oh, Buffy?"

"Yes, Faith?"

"How does noon sound?"

Buffy smirked. "High noon sounds about right to me. See you tomorrow, then?"

"Oh, yeah." Faith smirked in return and took Xander's arm as they walked into the night.

Spike rolled his eyes again. <Bloody Macho Slayers>.

- End Chapter Three -