by Rob Sorenson

Xander was lost. He knew he was in the Summers' house, but still he felt lost. <Out of radio contact>, he thought. He was back on the couch, and Dawn had disappeared. The First had informed him that she was safe for the moment, and he had little choice but to hope Evil was telling the truth for once <It's not like there's anything I could do about it anyway>, he thought bitterly. The Evil With Anya's face appeared before him again from the ether.

"So, Alexander, what shall we talk about? You read any good books lately? Come to think of it, have you ever actually READ any books since those cute little rhyming ones about Cats, Hats, and Turtles named Yertle?" He glared at her. "No matter. I have things to show you. Or rather, to remind you of. We're going to do a little time traveling a few hours back and relive a little conversation that took place right in this very room. Want to see it again, Al? Oh, wait...I don't have to ask you. Close your eyes, studmuffin." Xander did as he was told. <As always>, he thought somewhat painfully. He was drawn back against his will...

*** *** *** *** ***

"Xander, what the Hell do you think you're doing?" Buffy's tone was sharp, eyes cold.

"I'm getting a broadsword. I thought that'd be kinda obvious," he said with a slight twinkle in his eye.

"Not this time, Xander," Willow's voice came from the kitchen as she strode in. "You're staying here."

"Are you kidding me? This is the biggest battle we've seen. According to Cordy's vision and Buffy's dream we've got Ubervamps heading for Sunnydale by the thousands or something."

Buffy nodded in agreement. "That's right, Xand. This is the end, one way or the other. I can feel it. So can Willow. So can Cordy, Spike, Faith, Anya and Angel. How about you? What do you feel?"

"Well, I guess I feel a little nervous, considering the way you two are staring me down. What's the what? Am I missing something?"

"Yes Xander," Buffy replied, "you miss everything. That's the point. This is not a place for you."

Xander began to feel offended. "What are you talking about? My place is with you."

"Not this time," Willow replied. "This time you stay behind with Dawn."

"Uh-uh, Will. Not gonna happen. My best friends aren't going at it without me to back them up."

Buffy sighed with infinite patience. <Why do I waste precious time with this? I have to make him understand>. The stress of the situation had gradually darkened the blonde Slayer's personality over the past few weeks, and Willow, already moody, had slid into a place that made Xander distinctly uncomfortable. It was too familiar. Spike himself had intervened when Buffy began screaming at Dawn for getting home 5 minutes after dark one night. He remembered the scene:

He'd gone to the bar that night and didn't appear again until morning. <He was hurt>, Xander realized. <He was truly hurt by her, and he pretty much said he loved her in front of everyone. Holy God, I think he really does>.

He snapped back to the moment at hand as Spike, Angel, Faith and Cordy stepped into the room, loaded with multiple weapons of all types--crossbows, stakes, broadswords, axes, chainsaws (Angel's preference), M-16s, hand grenades and one missile launcher Xander had managed to liberate. Again. Spike, now more mindful of Buffy's moods, quietly spoke up: "Buffy, Xander got most of this hardware for us, and whether he and I get along or not, his soldiery moments might be of some use."

Buffy snorted. "Use? What use is there in being able to break into military bases and steal equipment? He's a useful thief, I guess. Can he take a Vamp's head with his stealthy combat boots?"

Xander had finally heard enough. "Ok, you know what? I'm coming whether you like it or not, and nothing you can--" he was cut off when he was thrown into the cushions of the couch and held there, unable to break through a magical shield. He looked up, and stared into the black eyes of his oldest friend.

"God, do you ever stop whining? Figure it out, Xander. You are going to die if you go. That's a given. You couldn't win a fight with Cordelia at this point. We've carried you year after year, through all your stupid mistakes. We saved your ass from one situation after another and nearly got killed because of it. We might all die tonight, but everyone here takes one thing as a certainty: if we have to drag you around with us we'll die sooner. We're not going to let that happen this time. This is about power, Xander. You have one power that I know of. The power to make stupid jokes at the wrong times. Talking is all you do. There will be no talking tonight when the powerful ones go into battle, Xander, because we finally figured it out. Our weakness is you, and it always has been. We let our feelings of pity get in the way. We're not going to pity you tonight, Xander, because we can't afford it!!!"

The room had no air in it. At least that's how it seemed, as no sounds could be heard. Spike was staring open-mouthed at Dark Willow. Angel, Cordy and Faith were smart enough to know they didn't belong in this, and they kept their heads down and their mouths shut. Xander helplessly looked to Buffy, and she stood over him, hands on hips, stonefaced.

"Is that clear enough Xander? Even for you?"

He joined the members of the group that were looking down. "Yeah," he croaked hoarsely, managing to get the word out somehow through his pain.

Willow slowly worked herself down to her more normal self and released him, and looked at Xander once more, head cocked slightly. "It's better this way for all of us, Xand. Maybe we'll see you when we get back." She turned and followed Buffy out of the room. What happened next still didn't seem real to Xander, even as it was happening.

As the others filed out, Spike turned and walked to him. They stared at each other for a moment, and it was William who spoke. "Xander, I wanted to apologize to you for Anya, but I never found the right time. I won't apologize for Buffy, because she's an adult who makes her own decisions, and what Buffy and I had wasn't all bad. I realize now it wasn't enough, but......still. You and Anya were freshly broken up, and the demon in me wanted solace for the pain Buffy had caused. Anya and I did what we did together, and I didn't force her, but that isn't the point. The point is it hurt you terribly, and I understand it better now since I changed......you know."

Xander nodded as Spike continued. "If I could do it over again I wouldn't. I hated you then, but I don't hate you now. I thought this would be a good time to tell you that. You didn't deserve what just happened here. No one does." He held out his hand. Xander felt like he wasn't in his body. The people that meant most to him in all the world had shattered his heart, and an ensouled vampire who'd had sex with two of the most important women in his life was trying to help him put it back together. He reached as well and squeezed the cold dead hand of someone he'd once hated.

*** *** *** *** ***

"And then they left you right there on that couch, didn't they Xander?" The voice had changed, and he stared in the eyes of Tara. "That's right, Xander, it's me. I've been wanting to talk with you for a while. Did you think I wouldn't find out? I see everything now. When Warren came into the back yard with a gun in his hand you froze. If you'd made one move to try to stop him I'd be alive right now, and Willow wouldn't have tried to destroy the world. You sent her into the Dark, Xander. How does it feel knowing that?"

Xander was visibly weakening from the onslaught. "I'm sorry, Tara...I"

"Tried? Were you going to say you tried? Boy, I can see why your Mommy and Daddy had to drink so damn much. If that was your version of trying, giving up must be something spectacular. Of course, your precious Buffy picked a dead man over you two times over, so I'm not sure why I should be surprised."

Xander's face was in his hands. "Please stop. Please..."

"You want it to stop?" He looked up and saw the face of Rupert Giles.

"Yes....Giles, please.."

"All right, Xander. You have a chance to be a Zeppo no more, and that's more than you deserve. It's an accident of fate that you're responsible for the fault in the Slayer line. You're known as the Prophecy Killer in certain circles." Xander's face was now a mask of confusion and sorrow. "Xander? DO you want the pain to go away? Do you want to show your former friends what power really is? I can make it happen. I fooled them into thinking the red-headed witch was responsible for the break, knowing their arrogance would never lead them to the alternative solution. I set up the supposedly climactic battle with what you call the Ubervamps because I knew the stress would be too much for them. They broke, Xander, and when they did they poured out all their hatred and resentment on you. They have not and will never respect you. Even a pathetic human such as yourself doesn't deserve that. Resurrecting Buffy was the one useful thing in your life, because we can use it to restore you. Now you have a chance to liberate yourself of your burden. Join me in a new world where I'm made flesh, and you stand at my right hand. I allowed some of your friends to live Xander; ones who in fact deserve to die for the way they've treated you all these years. This is my gift to you. Come with me and we will rule a world where everyone is weak but you....and I. You are to be my son."

Xander looked up at Giles' face....and smiled.

- End Chapter Three -