Trust

by Rob Sorenson

Chapter Sixteen

********Sunnydale Memorial Hospital, 3:00 AM*********

I hate this place, I hate this place…oh, how I hate this place.

Sunnydale Memorial’s waiting room was quiet as Buffy re-entered. Every member of her family (aside from Willow and Spike) was seated inside, taking up most of the curved plastic chairs. There was a slight twinge in her stomach when she observed Dawn dozing on Wes’s shoulder. Not simply because it was Wes – though that was still something she hadn’t quite got her mind around – but the sad familiarity of it. How many times would her little sis be forced to sleep in this God-forsaken place?

Wesley was indifferently observing the wall-mounted television in the corner as it displayed VH-1’s Insomniac Music Theatre, while Xander thumbed absently through a 2-year old Sports Illustrated. He appeared to be making an effort to calm himself, but Buffy noted his slightly shaking hands with concern.

Faith - no fan of hospitals herself, Buffy thought - was seated next to her husband, occasionally stealing glances at him while perusing Car and Driver. After a moment, Buffy realized that Faith had seen the same thing she had: Xander didn’t look good at all. After taking a moment to will away the post-argument depression that weighed heavily upon her, Buffy sat next to him.

“You ok?”

“Huh? Oh…yeah. I guess.”

Buffy exchanged a quick look with Faith before taking his hand. “She’ll be fine. I’m sure it’s nothing serious.”

He gave her a dark look. “It’s been three hours.”

“It’s an emergency room.”

He said nothing in response; both knew this drill far too well. Buffy tilted her head slightly.

“Are you sure you’re-“

He took his hand away from her. “I said I was fine,” he replied shortly.

“Actually, you said ‘yeah, I guess…” her weak attempt at humor didn’t get a response. She gripped his hand a little tighter.. “Xand, you’re shak-“

Xander surprised her when he broke away, abruptly getting to his feet. “I gotta go to the bathroom.”

Faith tossed her magazine aside as he walked out, rubbing a hand over her face. Buffy scooted into Xander’s still-warm chair next to her, speaking quietly.

“How often does it happen?”

“How should I know? Never saw it ‘til tonight. Am I quick or what?”

“It’s pretty subtle unless you’re looking for it.”

A bitter chuckle. “Yeah.”

Buffy hesitated a moment. “We all do this.”

Faith turned to her with a frown.

“Keep things inside, I mean. A certain girl with superpowers - who shall remain nameless - might have been most famous for it, but she wasn’t alone. Xander doesn’t open up easily. You know this.”

“Thought maybe we’d gotten past that.”

“So…there’s nothing you hold back from him, then?”

Faith looked at the floor. “I’m goin’ to LA.”

Buffy blinked at the seemingly abrupt change of subject. “Looks like.”

“May as well make use of bein’ stuck in here. Riley,” Faith called, motioning him over. He started slightly before getting up to join them; the long day was beginning to take its toll.

“What’s up?”

“Let’s compare notes.”

************************************

Xander was uncomfortably seated in the handicapped stall of the restroom, his entire body visibly trembling. The pain had thankfully lessened…but the feeling of inadequacy had not. The look on Buffy’s face…his wife had noticed too, of course, but at least she knew enough to give him space. Buffy, though…you’d think she would know better.

He felt weak and pathetic. Bludgeoning, catatonia, coma, even death (more than once)…the Scooby Gang would always live to fight another day. That was what they were.

With one exception, apparently. Now his wife was asking him to avoid the fight, much like the rest had tried to do so many times. “Real progress, Harris,” he said aloud, creating a slight echo in the otherwise empty room.

Stop being a jerk. Something could really be wrong with Willow. Suck it up already. He closed his eyes, left with no choice but to wait out the tremors. After one more agonizing minute, he let out a long breath and flexed his fingers. Christ, is it just me here, or are the Tina Turner shimmies getting longer all the time? Finally, everything seemed pretty much back to normal. Xander regained his feet and opened the stall door, headed for the mirror.

I look like shit. He chuckled to himself slightly as the infrared sensor (Faith called it the ‘Idiot Faucet’) picked up his presence in front of the sink. Water immediately began jetting out of the spout. Grabbing a couple of barely absorbent brown towels from the dispenser, Xander wiped the sheen of sweat that inevitably appeared on his face when he had his ‘episodes,’ as the doctor titled them.

“Ok,” he said to the mirror after splashing some water on himself. “This is as good as it’s going to get.” He lingered for a sad moment before heading back toward the waiting room.

**********************************

Willow was moving at a snail’s pace down the hallway, her face a blank slate. Waiting room…must be there…

“Willow? You all right?”

She turned around slowly, trying to force a smile…but failing in spectacular fashion.

“I have to be.”

Spike frowned slightly. “Lookin’ for the others?”

A nod.

“Waitin’ room’s the other direction. You’re headed outside.”

“Oh. Right. Stupid.”

Spike was worried now, but managed to look casual. “Nothin’ new for me to get lost in here. Take one wrong turn, you wind up in that God-awful cafeteria, like as not.”

Again she nodded absently, turning around to walk in the proper direction.

“What did the doctor say?”

She stopped. “I can’t.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I have to…I can only do this once. I have to keep it together now.”

She swayed slightly; the vampire put an arm around her.

“Hold on. Let’s sit a minute.”

“No. I need to get this done…before I lose it.” She turned to Spike. “Really, really trying not to…”

“C’mere, little one.”

The ICU waiting room was comsiderably larger, with a pair of plush recliners in the middle of the room. Spike practically carried her inside and guided her to the largest chair. Once she slumped down, he knelt in front of her.

“I’ll bring ‘em to you. Just relax.”

“Don’t see that happening.”

Spike reached up, tucking a stray lock of flaming red hair behind her ear.

“Need a moment to fetch everyone. Stay here for me?”

“You’re smoking again.”

He frowned slightly. “What?”

“I can smell it.”

“A bit, yeah.”

“You can’t do that any more, ok?”

“Willow-“

“At least around me. Do you promise?”

After a moment of silence, he nodded slowly.

“All right. Do my best.”

Willow swallowed hard as she attempted to rise. “I’ll make it-“

“No. You will not.” Spike’s voice was gentle, but the grip he took on her shoulders was firm. “You stay here, I stop smokin’ again. Fair?”

She nodded shakily.

“Right then. Won’t be a moment.”

************************************

Riley was frowning. “Did I ever meet Drusilla?”

Buffy and Angel exchanged a glance before she responded. “You would’ve remembered.”

“Ok. So…we don’t know exactly why this army of sun-friendly vampires is getting put in play?”

“Other than the fact that we were supposed to know?”

Angel raised an eyebrow. “We were?”

Buffy shrugged. “Why else would any vamp come to a gym owned by two

Slayers?”

“So we’re assuming he wasn’t just stupid?” Faith interjected.

“They might have assumed you thought that. Sending Drusilla might’ve been laying it on a little thick, but they got their point across. You’re clearly wanted in LA,” Angel reasoned.

Wesley had turned off the TV. “The obvious question being ‘why’?”

Xander spoke from the doorway. “Not to be self-involved or anything, but can I repeat another obvious question? I can see the law firm of Dewey, Killom and Howe, or whatever their name is, communicating about Buffy and Willow-“

“But why Xander?” Faith interrupted. “It’s not as if he’s…” she stopped herself, glancing toward him uncomfortably.

“Important?” Xander finished with a slight smile.

Faith took a deep breath before speaking evenly. “Not to them, no.”

Riley simply shook his head. “Seems like good questions are all we have.”

Angel leaned back in his chair, looking from Buffy to Faith. “Leaving us with no alternative. You give them what they want.”

A sleepy-eyed Dawn echoed Faith’s earlier words. “We’re going to LA?”

“Was goin’ that way anyhow,” Faith said.

Xander had just returned to the seat next to his wife. His eye widened in surprise. “You were? When did this happen?”

Faith closed her eyes. Shit.

“Angel asked me for help with something.”

Xander looked at Angel’s expressionless face for a moment before turning back to Faith.

“So…am I allowed to ask why-“

“Willow,” Spike said from the doorway. “We need to get over there.”

Buffy and Xander made it to him first. “Go where? Where is she?” Xander said, Faith’s sudden change of heart about LA momentarily forgotten. He didn’t see her deep sigh of relief behind him.

Spike raised a hand. “Given her quite a turn, whatever it is. Caught her walkin’ about in a daze.”

“Where is she?!” Xander repeated, growing agitated.

“Come on.” Spike headed out, with the entire group following behind. He turned to Buffy while walking. “Might wanna step lightly with her.”

“I know how to talk to my best friend.”

Spike resisted the urge to retort, maintaining a soft tone with an effort. “Just sayin’ I’ve never seen her like this, is all.”

Buffy sighed and nodded. “Did she say-“

“No.”

They rounded several corners before reaching their destination. Spike nearly ran into Willow as he entered.

“Hey. Thought we had a deal.”

“I’m sorry. I…I thought you might be lost, ‘cause like you said, it’s a maze in here.”

He stepped back, allowing Buffy and Xander to move around him. “Willow?” they said in unison.

Willow’s breathing increased rapidly. “We…we need to talk, but…I need to sit down, I think.”

She returned to the chair as the others walked into the room. Willow cleared her throat and steeled herself.

“Ok, good. Everybody’s here. First thing: I never got a chance to tell everyone this, but Amy and Ethan were working for Wolfram and Hart. They wanted me out of the picture, I guess. I used a memory spell on Ethan. He’ll report to Lilah Morgan that I’m clueless…and that I killed Amy.”

“Lilah was behind that?” Dawn said quietly.

“She sent Ethan, who in turn hired Amy. I don’t know why, exactly. I don’t…know much of anything, I guess.” Willow ran her fingers through her hair. “We need to go to LA, I guess. Find out what’s going on, because…”

Willow’s lip quivered for a moment; with an effort she bit it back, lowering her gaze. Buffy knelt in front of her. “We’re here. We’ll get through whatever it is together. What’s wrong?”

“I’m not sure. I honestly don’t know if anything is wrong…that’s why I’m so messed up.”

Xander took her hand. “Honey, I’m not following you.”

Willow looked up, meeting Buffy’s eyes.

“Apparently I’m going to have a child.”

The air felt as if it had left the room. No one even took a breath. Xander somehow managed to find his voice first.

“What?”

Willow turned to him. “I’m pregnant.”

Again there was a long silence.

“H-how” Buffy stammered.

“I don’t know.”

Xander swallowed hard. “Did you…have you…been with-“

“No.”

“You know it doesn’t matter to me who it was, just-”

“Xander, you know better.”

“Well…how else-“

Willow was getting angry now. “Who exactly do you think I’ve been doing it with?”

“I don’t know. There are all kinds of guys…look, it doesn’t mat-“

“You think I would just hook up with some guy we work with?!”

“No! I didn’t say that…but you hung out with male people.”

“Like who? Outside of you.”

“Ummm…you and Julio are buds, you went to the movies with Lorne a lot-“

“Lorne?! LORNE?! Yes, that’s who it was, Xander. I’m going to have a lime green baby with little horns and flaming red hair. I’ll call her Willowswath of the Rosenwok clan!”

He held up his hands. “Ok, ok. I’m a little…I don’t know what I am.”

Willow sighed harshly. “I don’t know either.”

Buffy searched Willow’s eyes. “How far along are you?”

“The doctor says 11 weeks.”

“Eleven weeks?!” Cordy exclaimed. “Are you sure?”

“That’s what he said.”

Buffy tried to whisper, but everyone heard her anyway. “Did you miss any-“

Willow’s face flushed. Riley cleared his throat.

“Umm…Spike, want to get some coffee?”

The vampire grimaced. “What? Don’t wanna go anywhere with-“ his face cleared in understanding. “Right. Coffee. Angel, Wes?”

Both nodded simultaneously; all four men walked quickly out of the room. Xander rose to follow, but Willow took his arm.

“Don’t go.”

“Uhhh…” he jerked his thumb toward the door. “There’s gonna be coffee.”

“Xander, please?”

He sat back down without further comment. Willow turned back to Buffy.

“No, I haven’t missed one.”

“Is that even possible?” Dawn asked.

Willow nodded. “Light periods can occur during pregnancy, yes. Thing is…”

“Yours haven’t been,” Buffy finished with understanding.

“Right. Never were.”

“I remember.”

“Goddamn, does that coffee smell good!”

Willow gripped Xander’s forearm tightly, holding back a smile at his obvious discomfort..

“Don’t be such a baby-“ she stopped herself, welling up instantly. Xander and Buffy took her in their arms as the dam finally burst.

“Shhh. It’s ok,” Buffy whispered.

“Buffy, I’m so scared,” Willow sobbed. “I don’t know how this happened…or why…” She pulled away from them gently, catching her breath. “…but I think all the stuff going on with Wolfram and Hart has to be related somehow.”

Dawn spoke quietly. “You think they’ve…done something to you?”

None of them saw Cordelia hugging herself in the corner as Willow slowly shook her head.

“No…no I don’t. I have no reason to say that, except…it doesn’t feel like that.”

Xander put his hand on Willow’s. “What DO you feel?”

She stared at the wall, focused on no one. “As soon as the doctor told me, I knew. I just…knew. This wasn’t a joke, or a cruel trick. It was real. At that moment, it was as if a light went on inside. Something is growing inside me, and I felt this…force.”

Willow refocused on Buffy. “I know what power feels like. Goddess knows I’ve held enough to destroy the world…but never anything like this. I have this urge…” She shook her head. “No that isn’t strong enough. I have this all-consuming NEED to guard this child’s life with my own. Oz, Tara, all of you…nothing compares with this. It’s overwhelming. There are no limits.”

Faith spoke for the first time. “No limits meaning…”

Willow’s eyes turned hard. “Meaning I will do anything to protect this child. I don’t know how it got here…but it’s mine. Something – or someone - instilled this feeling in me, and it doesn’t feel like Dark Magic.”

Cordy spoke gently. “How would you-”

“Trust me. I know the difference.”

Xander stared at her. Willow’s resolve face was in full effect. “So…what does this all mean?”

Buffy answered. “For one thing, it totally explains why Wolfram and Hart attacked who they did. They may not be behind what’s happening with Willow, but they know about it. They wanted us in LA, but not before weakening her.”

Willow nodded in agreement as Buffy addressed her.

“What was the collapsing about?”

The redhead sighed. “I haven’t been eating well enough, apparently. I need at least 4 servings of fruits and veggies for vitamins and minerals, plus a lot more calcium and protein. A Hot Pocket per day won’t be enough to keep the doctor away.”

Xander brightened. “Well, we can take care of that right now. IHOP is open all night…get some strawberry pancakes with a steak and cheese omelette, there’s 2 or 3 food groups in one shot.”

Willow smiled slightly, feeling a little lighter. “Well…I haven’t had a chance to eat today at all.”

“Actually none of us have, and Andrew’s wieners are all shriveled up by now,” Faith added.

Buffy stood. “Ok, all in favor of a 4:00 in the morning breakfast, say aye.”

There was full agreement. Willow stood slowly; Xander anxiously grabbed on to her.

“Xander, I’m not handicapped.”

“Spike said you were sorta shaky before.”

“I was in shock. I’m fine now.”

“Just go slow for me. ‘Til you eat something.”

“Ok, but don’t start hovering. You always do that.”

“Yeah, he does,” Faith interjected, taking Xander’s arm. “Come on. Let’s go get a table.” She led her husband out of the room.

Buffy spoke once more. “Ok, then…after we eat and sleep a little, we pack our bags. Next stop, Hyperion Hotel.”

**************************

Spike and Wesley sat quietly together in the hospital’s cafeteria, each dipping bags of Celestial Seasonings into their cups. Angel and Riley had been forced to wait for the coffee to be brewed, leaving no choice but to wait together by the cashier. As yet, neither had gone flying into the salad bar’s sneeze guard head first.

Buffy would’ve been proud.

“So…you and Dawn.”

Wesley paused in mid-sip. “Yes.”

“Wasn’t sure how to take that little revelation.”

“She is an adult who makes her own decisions.”

“No argument there, mate. Wouldn’t dream of tryin’ to tell her anything. Probably do just the opposite just for spite.”

Wesley dabbed at his sweater; he’d spilled a bit when Spike had suddenly brought the subject up. “She’s quite independent, yes.”

“Which leaves me no alternative but to talk to you.”

“Spike, it’s been a long night. If you’ve something to say, I’d appreciate your getting ‘round to it.”

The vampire fixed a baleful glare on him…then sighed, settling a bit into his chair.

“I remember Dawn as this little slip of a girl, a blur of pigtails n’ lunchboxes flyin’ out the door in the morning. Spent a good deal of time writin’ in that journal of hers, fawning over the bloody Backstreet Boys. Not one of those little poncets ever seen what the streets are really like, I’d wager.”

Spike felt a strong need for a cigarette, but resisted the urge and continued.

“Thing is, just about everyone has that image of her, rightly or wrongly. Getting around that notion’s going to be a tricky slope to tread on.”

“I wouldn’t have chosen to follow this path if it weren’t important to me.”

Spike took a swallow of tea. “Right. Been doin’ some thinking about this…so pay attention. Only gonna say this once. I understand she isn’t a child any more. We all do. Thing is…”

He cleared his throat slightly.

“Thing is, I love her more than you can possibly understand. Can’t find it in me to begrudge her somethin’ if it’s what she truly wants.”

He leaned forward.

“I’ve seen how she looks at you. Took me a bit to adjust…but I recognized it for what it was right off. Seen it once or twice before around here. Faith and Xander on their wedding day. Willow and Tara. On a good day, Buffy’ll throw a glance like that my way. Best feeling in the world, that is; not gonna deny the Little Bit that sort of thing. I admit, wasn’t rightly expecting it to be you…what with your age and all.”

Wesley shifted uncomfortably. “Nine years isn’t-

“Very long, I know. Hello? Vampire here,” Spike said as he pointed to himself. “Still, 19 and 28 don’t wash down quite as easily as 25 and 34. Might not be fair, but there you are.”

“Spike, she is far from your normal-“

“Could you possibly let a bloke finish? Was there nothing in Watcher Finishin’ School about interrupting?”

“Sorry.”

“She’d been through more by age 16 than most of us ever will. As you say, in a lot of ways she’s 19 goin’ on 40…except for one.”

Wesley nodded slowly. “Relationships.”

They shared a brief silence before Spike went on.

“First time for everything, right? Little Bit’s beautiful, smart, strong, funny…lookin’ back, it’s a wonder it took so long. So all I have for you is one simple question: you in love with her?”

Wesley frowned, his face reddening slightly. “It has been a very long night, and frankly, I don’t see how this is any of your affair.”

“Told you how I feel about her. What’re you afraid of, mate?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Man loves a woman, he shouldn’t be afraid to shout it to the rooftops. Don’t give a bloody damn who hears it, myself. So…”

Wesley absently dipped the bag back into his tea. “I am in love with Dawn,” he said softly. He looked up to see Spike smiling at him.

“Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Wesley couldn’t keep himself from smiling back. “You know, Dawn speaks quite highly of you. “

It was Spike’s turn to look down, pouring himself a second cup. “Does she now?”

“She said there was a time when only you seemed to understand her.“

“Yeah, well…we were both tryin’ to find our way, I suppose.”

Wesley sighed. “I apologize for my rudeness earli-“

“You took a bullet for me last year.”

That stopped Wes cold; their eyes met across the table as Spike went on.

“Far as I’m concerned, that earns you a bit of consideration. As long as she’s happy with you, so am I.”

Wesley broke off their stare uncomfortably. “Thank you.”

Spike shrugged it off, thinking about making a run to the blood bank when Wesley spoke quietly.

“You were right earlier. I am afraid of something.”

Spike raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“I find it quite likely that Wolfram and Hart can provide answers regarding Willow’s condition.”

“Well, they’re right dangerous, I understand. Seems only natural to be-”

“That isn’t precisely what I mean.”

“Well, get on with it, then.”

Wesley sighed heavily. “Lilah Morgan and I had an affair.”

Spike’s face darkened. “You were seein’ her while dating Dawn?”

“No, no…of course not. I’d given her a little help with her studies, but nothing of a…romantic nature. Lilah was one of the great mistakes of my life. I ended things with her, but not due to any feelings toward Dawn. It was simply an insane thing for me to associate with her. Yet, to this day…”

“She still after you?”

“Yes. Which, on the one hand, could be useful.”

Spike’s eyes lit up. “On the other, Dawn can’t be thrilled with the prospect of you makin’ nice with the psycho ex.” The vampire chuckled. “Been there, literally got the bloody T-shirt, mate.”

“I detest spending time with Lilah…especially now. Unfortunately, it must be done. My primary concern is her rather obvious fixation. If she sees Dawn as a potential threat…”

Spike stood up from his chair. “Guess we’ll deal with her then, won’t we? Make you a deal, Wes. You worry about Lilah. I’ll watch over the Bit.. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna find some dinner.”

“I’d appreciate your keeping an eye on her…though I highly doubt she would.”

Spike spoke with his back to Wesley.

“Not to worry. Little one won’t suspect a thing.”

*****************************

“Get a table? At 4AM on a Tuesday morning? What’s the deal?”

Faith pulled out of the hospital parking lot. “Wanted to talk for a minute.”

“Ok.”

She took a nervous breath. “You all right?”

Xander chuckled in disbelief. “Am I all right? In comparison to Will, I’d say things are pretty good.”

“Xand…”

“I’m dealing.”

Faith sighed heavily. “I wish you’d talk to me.”

“I’m not?”

“No.”

“Ok, what do you want to hear?”

“The truth.”

“Ok, I’ll trade you: why this sudden willingness to go to LA? Angel knew just what to say?”

The tires squealed lightly as she turned into the restaurant’s parking lot.

“You heard the meeting. We’re all goin’. Anyway, we’re talking about you right now.”

Xander had the door open before she could put it in park. “I don’t get why you need to know this.”

Faith followed him out, a frown etched on her face.. “Are you dense? I can’t try to help you if-“

She jerked slightly as the passenger door slammed shut. “No, you can’t! So why not just leave me alone?!”

They stood staring at one another beneath the streetlight. After a long moment, Faith brushed past him. “Fine. Be an asshole.”

Xander watched her go. Say something. Come on.

“Faith-“

She’d entered the restaurant before he could bring himself to speak. After a long moment, he trudged in after her.

- End Chapter Sixteen -