Memorial Day Part I

****************Casa Summers, 8:30 AM**********************

"So Xand...not that we mind getting up at the crack of dawn on a holiday or anything, but considering we were going to see each other in a few hours, couldn't this wait?"

"Sorry, guys. My lovely wife thought it might be a good idea for us to talk amongst ourselves before everybody got here."

Buffy sat on the porch swing Xander had made as a birthday gift, one bare foot tucked underneath her while the other dangled freely. Normally she wouldn't receive visitors in her pajamas, but Xander and Willow didn't

really count. Besides, it wasn't even 9:00 yet, so she gave herself a break. Willow and Dawn were seated across from them in deck chairs. Dawn grinned as she spoke.

"Since you came bearing gifts we'll let it slide."

All four were enjoying their favorite steaming caffeinated beverage...especially Buffy, who once said she could live on Grande Lattes with an extra shot if she had to. The dozen donuts (Xander knew precisely what all their favorites were, of course) also helped his cause. Willow spoke around a mouthful of Bavarian Cream.

"You made it sound like you had something to tell us."

He sighed. "Yeah. Faith kind of threatened me if I didn't come clean about a few things. There has to be some law on the Council's books about Slayers abusing their power over men, right? I need to look that up."

Buffy smirked. "I don't know about that. Spike pretty much does whatever I tell him, and he can defend himself just fine if he has to. Not sure if this is exclusive Slayer territory."

Dawn chuckled. "Yeah. Sorry, Xander. All women have weapons. It's just a matter of withholding them to get what we want."

The other three stared at her. She flinched a bit. "Or so I've heard."

Buffy held her gaze on Dawn for a moment, then turned back to Xander. "Anyway, we're all here now, so...wait a minute. If this is Faith's idea, where is she?"

"She was pretty zonked. I told her she could sleep in."

"Oh, that's a load. I'm tired too."

"Yeah, but look on the bright side, Buff, I didn't get her a latte...but enough about my significant other. Where's yours?"

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Only an apocalypse would get Spike out of bed before noon and you know it. Plus, he had me up all night."

"I can vouch for that," Dawn groused. Buffy's cheeks turned slightly pink.

"Shut up. That's not what I meant. He got this idea for the barbecue at three in the morning and dragged me to the Super Wal-Mart."

Xander help up his forefinger. "Hold up. Spike is gonna cook?"

"Looks that way. He even called Andrew last night to recruit him as an assistant...at 4:00, no less."

Willow smiled. "I'll bet that made Andrew's year."

Dawn winced. "You think? Four in the morning?"

The redhead looked at each of them, speaking slowly. "Ok, you guys DO notice how Andrew looks at Spike, right?"

Dawn shrugged. "Well, clearly there's sort of a hero worship thing going on there." Her eyes widened as Willow gave her a Hello!! look. "Oh wait, do you mean....OH."

Willow merely nodded with a mischievious grin as Buffy stared off into space, slowly shaking her head.

"Just how many asses am I going to have to kick this weekend anyway? Everybody has the hots for Spike."

Xander stood, waving a hand in the air. "Check, please."

The Slayer reached over, pushing him back down. "I don't think so, mister. This excessively early pow-wow was your idea."

"Hey! Watch the violence when I have coffee in my hand!"

"Oh, stop," Buffy scoffed. "Your cup is empty, and I know how much force to apply without hurting you."

"Always a good trait in any woman."

This earned him three dirty looks. Xander gulped; apparently free coffee and donuts provided a limited amount of dirty joke leeway.

"Right. Moving on, then. I guess maybe I should get to the point of this whole deal."

Dawn had an uneasy feeling when he cleared his throat nervously.

"Is everything ok?"

Xander sighed, remaining silent for a moment. Instinctively all three women frowned with concern. Quiet Xander was never a good sign, especially when he was about to share something.

"I guess I should start this by apologizing for being a little distant. I realize I've been working constantly and ignoring everyone a little; I'm going to try to be better about that."

Again he hesitated. Nothing was heard outside of the quiet munching of pastries.

"Some stuff has come up that's been bothering me a little, but let me emphasize that it really isn't all that bad. Just my own issues running

rampant, as they occasionally do."

Xander closed his eyes as he repeated the details he'd shared with Faith the night before. Christ, I hate this, he thought to himself as he concluded.

"And that's pretty much it. Just something I have to deal with. Eventually I'll probably get more of a handle on what causes the shaking and dizziness stuff, but that'll be a trial and error kind of thing, I guess."

When Xander re-opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Dawn's sad look. Instinctively he summoned up a grin.

"Hey, it's not that bad, Dawn-Diego. Faith just thought I should give you guys a heads up, that's all."

Her effort to smile back was half-hearted, but he appreciated it all the same. She's already more grown up than I'll ever be. Willow, on the other hand, was staring with accusing eyes. Xander had been expecting this reaction - dreading it, in fact - but there was nothing to be done but ride it out. I guess I have this coming.

"I was there, Xander."

He couldn't think of anything to do except nod.

She swallowed hard. "You could've been hurt, and you kept it to yourself."

"Wills, I didn't even tell Faith. I thought I would try to deal with it on my-"

"But I was there," Willow interrupted. "How could you not tell me

about this?"

"I should have," Xander said quickly. "I... suppose I might have had issues about not being able to hold up my end of things. With the job and stuff."

"Xander, that is such bullshit!" Willow spat bitterly, causing all three of her friends to snap their heads her way in shock. Willow used

profanity about as often as Mr. Rogers. Unable to bear their combined gaze, she stood abruptly and faced away from them. Xander rose also, stepping toward her.

"You know I can be an idiot sometimes. I really am sorry."

Willow, still showing him her back, spoke in a tired voice. "If you honestly think I would ever toss you aside because of something like this, you really are an idiot. You don't even have to do those quality control checks anyway. Julio is perfectly capable-"

"I know. You're absolutely right. I overreacted."

Her next words came so quietly, only Buffy heard them clearly.

"Was it me?"

Xander frowned, shaking his head in confusion. "You? What about you?"

"That did it? To you? Was it mine?"

He finally understood, closing his eyes tightly as the clouded memories flooded back…

******Disney World, One Year Ago********

"XANDER!! DON'T LEAVE ME NOW!! COME ON!!! WE CAN DO THIS!!" Willow would never ask Buffy how she knew what window to look into.

Somehow she'd just known. The two women's eyes locked. Willow was no lip reader, but the first word was clear enough. She knows. She knows what he's doing. Well of course she does, Rosenberg...it's her mind, you know. Inge was drawing closer. Willow tore her eyes from Buffy and took a long look at the unconscious Xander. The oldest, most devoted friend she'd ever known. Xander....please forgive me. Without giving herself a chance to rethink it, she grabbed the taser and pressed into his body.

*****************************************

Xander put his hands on Willow's narrow shoulders, turning her gently to face him. His eyes bore into hers, unblinking.

"No. NO. The damage was already done way before that."

Willow was staring at his stomach. He lifted her chin up, shaking his head.

"Doesn't matter anyway. I would've wanted you to do it. It's not like you had a choice."

She nodded absently, unable to speak.

Behind them, Dawn slid her eyes toward Buffy, her expression a silent question. Buffy gave her a surreptitious shake of the head as she looked back at her best friends, aching for them. Xander gave Willow his crooked grin.

"Can we sit back down? I had to set a perfectly good chocolate eclair aside for this. I can hear the ants issuing orders to retrieve it."

Willow made an effort to grin back, but it didn't reach her eyes. Still, she nodded in agreement. Xander saw the look in Buffy's eyes as he sat back down and sighed heavily.

"Stop it."

"What?"

"I think I speak for all of us when I say this. We love you. Now get over yourself."

Buffy blinked in surprise.

"Excuse me?"

"At some point, you gotta get it through your head: you're not responsible for everything bad that happens to us. This whole guilt thing you like to wallow in gets old after a while."

"You can't tell me how to feel."

"No, but I can tell you it's pointless. I'm a big boy. Willow's a big girl. Hell, Dawn's practically an adult."

Dawn glared. "Hey! Totally with you until just now."

"Sorry. I feel old enough as it is these days. Buff, you see what I'm saying, right?"

"I'm not supposed to care about you?"

Xander sighed. "I'm a little tired already, so I'm going to take that as a maybe. Look, none of us are exactly perfect medical specimens at this stage. We've all dealt with more than our share of stuff, with scars and soreness to prove it."

Actually, I'm never sore any more, Buffy thought sadly...but she had the grace to let him finish.

"It's not like I'm dying or anything. I'll just have to adjust things a little...like..." He trailed off, looking down to his lap. "It's probably best that I...um...hang back some from now on when it comes to the fighting stuff."

No one spoke for a long moment, absorbing the admission for what it was. Buffy reached to take his hand, but he'd lifted it to rub his face before she could get there. Xander cleared his throat.

"Ok, on to more important stuff. There's one other thing Faith thought I should ask you about."

Dawn tilted her head, her soft smile comforting Xander more than anything she could say. "Wow. Your wife set a whole agenda for you. No wonder she slept in."

"Dawnie, when you're married - hopefully like forty years from now - you'll understand that the wife always sets the agenda." Xander turned to Buffy. "This is sort of a Slayer's department, usually... so I feel a little stupid asking about it. I mean, it's probably nothing, so promise you won't laugh."

Buffy smiled automatically. "Famous last words."

Xander smiled back, relieved that she wasn't truly miffed by his earlier honesty. "No turning back now, I guess. Here's the thing: I had a dream yesterday that felt incredibly real. Honestly, it freaked me out a little."

Willow spilled her mocha in surprise, but Xander didn't even notice, flinching slightly when Buffy's expression suddenly tightened. He raised his hands defensively.

"Ok, realizing this isn't my normal territory. That's why I'm coming to you with this. Faith has experience too, of course, but she couldn't make head nor tail of it. We figured you're the most qualified to give a second opinion. Wanna try to help us Freud it out?"

************Casa Harris, 9:30 AM***************

Faith groaned loudly, covering her face with the pillow. After the phone rang for a third time, she reached blindly to her left and picked up.

"Ok, who gets to die today," she snarled.

(I see you're still not a morning person.)

She grinned in spite of herself. "As I recall, you ain't exactly up with the sun either."

(Sorry to wake you two.)

"There's no two to wake up. Xand already went to B's."

(Really? Starting the party early?)

"They had some stuff to talk about. So...you callin' from the road, or what?"

Faith could hear annoyance in his response.

(Pretty much already here. Wes seemed to be in a rush.)

"Huh. Wonder why?"

Angel was silent for a moment, causing Faith to smile. Somebody knows the secret.

(Beats me. Anyway, I'm dropping them off at Buffy's in a minute. You mind if I come over there? I need to talk to you about something.)

Faith raised a curious eyebrow. "Ok, sure. Not like I wanted to sleep or anything."

(Should be about fifteen minutes.)

"Cool. That'll give me time to get my face on."

(I'm sure your face is fine.)

"Aww. You vamps are such sweet talkers. Hope Cordy didn't hear you flirting with me."

(That wasn't flirting. It was politeness.) There was a hesitation. (Now I'm getting a dirty look from the passenger seat. Are you trying to cause trouble?)

"With any luck, yeah. Tell her I could steal you whenever I feel like it. That oughta get a reaction."

(Not going anywhere near that. I'll be there in a few.)

"Right."

****Los Angeles, Offices of Wolfram and Hart, 9:45AM****

"Morgan."

(Hey, babe. This line secure?)

"If it weren't I wouldn't be talking to the likes of you. And Babe was a pig."

(Lilah, honey...why do you hurt me so? It's a term of affection.)

"I'm a little busy. Do you have business to discuss or not?"

(Ya know, it might be a good idea for you to learn a little respect.)

"I don't have to respect you, Jimmy. I only have to pay you. Which I could stop doing any time I like, so how about we dispense with the verbal sparring? You're not very good at it anyway."

(Lady, do you have a fuckin' clue how much this little operation is costing us?)

"Nope. Nor do I care. However, I am quite aware of how much we've deposited into a certain someone's personal account in the Caymans. Come to think of it, I'll bet if I called the right people they'd love to know about all this. Hold on a second while I pull that New York number out of my Rolodex..."

(You get off yankin' a guy's chain, is that it?)

"You catch on fast. Babe."

(Do you wanna talk business or what?)

"That's all I've been wanting to do since I picked up this line, Jimmy. Try to keep up."

Lilah smirked as she heard a deep sigh of defeat on the other end of the line.

(Whatever. You wanted to be informed if anything new was happenin', yeah?"

Lilah remained silent.

(Right. I'm hearing vibes from certain people. Someone's asking questions who normally wouldn't.)

This got her attention. "Explain."

Just did. We got someone who's suddenly real curious about my business affairs.)

"Do you have any idea who this person is?"

(Young black kid.)

Lilah sighed inwardly.

"Considering that we're referring to south central Los Angeles, would it be too much trouble to be a tad bit more specific?"

(Hey, I haven't seen him. Got this from one of my people 15 minutes ago.)

"Jimmy, he's got to be a known commodity. No one could just show up and ask questions for no apparent reason. More importantly, no one would give him the time of day."

(Didn't say he wasn't known.)

She rubbed the bridge of her nose with a thumb and forefinger. Why can't people just come out with things?

"Ok, I'll bite. What is he known for?"

(Rumor has it he runs some inner-city demon fighting club or something.)

Lilah's eyes widened a fraction. "You have no physical description of this guy of any kind?"

(Nope. Sorry.)

"I see." She leaned back in her chair, considering her options as Jimmy spoke smugly.

(Of course, I could get it for you. My people have been tracking him ever since I got the call.)

She rolled her eyes. Men. "Very good, Jimmy. Too bad I'm fresh out of cookies to reward you with. May I have a description please?"

(Sure, honey. All you had to do was ask nicely. Hold on.)

To her surprise, Jimmy actually put her on hold. Lilah shook her head in amazement as the strains of Rosemary Clooney's "Mambo Italiano" filled her ears.

"You have GOT to be kidding me."

Moments later, Jimmy came back on the line. (Ok, I got a rough idea of what he looks like. Boys are hangin' back a little to avoid being seen.)

"Why don't you just go all the way and use Volare' and That's Amore' as hold music too?"

(We do. Classics.)

"Naturally. Go ahead with the description."

(Black kid, about 6 feet tall, short black hair. Wearing loose fittin' blue jeans and an oversize USC sweatshirt. Black shoes with-)

"Wait a second. You said short black hair? Not bald?"

(Wasn't described that way. Hang on, I'll double che-)

"NO. I don't think I'll be able to handle any more of the Mob Hits soundtrack. I believe you." Ok, not Gunn... "Do we know if he's learned anything?"

(He got nothing from my people, but I got no control over the freelancers.)

"We can't take any chances one way or the other. Too much is riding on this."

(I agree. Ya see, great minds think alike.)

"I've heard that one, Jimmy. Someday I'll let you know if it's true. Do what you have to."

Lilah broke the connection before he could respond.

**************************************

Dawn looked from one face to the other. "So...all three of you were having the same dream?"

Willow shrugged. "Not the same dream, exactly, but it sounds like the basic message was the same."

Xander shook his head. "Great. Dreams with deep and meaningful themes. Whatever happened to the good old uncomplicated days of Carmen Electra in a leather halter top?"

Buffy grinned. "Does Faith know about that one?"

"That particular reference was set during the Cordy period, actually. I've since moved on to Alyssa Milano in spandex. And yes, Faith knows about them all. You can't control what happens in a dream. Plus, we sort of...make use of the info."

Willow held up a hand. "Objection."

"Sustained," Dawn said. "Too much information."

"Faith has this recurring one about Colin Farrell chained to a wall. Buff, has Spike ever told you how those manacles chafe after an hour or so?"

Again Dawn looked to Willow. "Move to strike?"

"I'll allow it."

Dawn smacked Xander while he and Buffy exchanged smiles.

"I've never talked to Spike in detail about that. Usually kinda busy. You can ask him when he wakes up, though."

Willow shook her head. "Can we move on from this before I hold both of you in contempt? Not ruling out the option of sewing mouths shut."

Buffy and Xander quieted immediately. The redhead nodded with satisfaction. "Thank you. Now where were we?"

Dawn frowned. "Sounded like nowhere. I mean, big changes? That's all anyone really said?"

Willow sighed. "In the second one especially. The first one was about trusting my instincts and keeping alert. Not everything will be as it seems. That sort of thing."

"Wait a minute," Buffy said. "You had two? I only had one."

"Same for me," Xander said.

"Seems unfair. Can we sue?"

"I'm gonna sue your sister for assaulting me a second ago."

Dawn looked at Willow. "They're doing it again."

This time the redhead ignored the banter, staring at Buffy. "Did it

feel...real?"

Buffy sobered immediately, meeting Willow's eyes. "These kind always feel real...but yes. I got the feeling that..." The Slayer lowered her head. "...that we were really talking again."

When Buffy looked back up, she focused on Dawn. "It felt like it was really Mom."

Dawn swallowed hard. Willow's eyes misted over. "Mine was Tara."

Xander said one word. "Anya."

The Slayer spoke slowly. "Either we're being manipulated again - which I don't believe - or someone is on our side."

Willow cleared her throat, nodding in agreement. "Using people we would trust absolutely."

Dawn looked at Xander. "Was Faith ok with it? I mean...you DID tell her about the Anya part, right?"

He shrugged. "She's got a serious jealousy streak, but usually I can read her pretty well. I didn't see any serious reaction. It helps that she genuinely liked Ahn. Faith tends to gravitate to anyone that gives it to her straight."

Willow chuckled. "God knows Anya did that."

"Yeah. It's nice to know she's...ok." Xander trailed off, clearing his throat.

No one spoke for a minute, trying to absorb the shared information. Finally Buffy let out a deep breath and shrugged.

"Just like all the other dreams I've had. All vague and stuff. Looks like the major concept is needing each other when we react to whatever it is they're talking about. We're agreed this is the real deal, right? Not just coincidence?"

Xander and Willow nodded as Buffy continued.

"I just can't figure out why someone felt the need to REM message all three of us. Like you said, Xand, this is usually Slayer territory. Faith hasn't had any dreams recently?"

"Nothing that felt like one of those Slayer-Prophecy-Of-Doom types. Which reminds me...Ahn mentioned that change could be positive or negative. This may not necessarily be an apocalypse kind of deal."

Buffy nodded. "I got the same feeling. On the down side, if we react poorly... this kind of dream doesn't happen without something potentially apocalypty to go with it."

Again there was silence; this time it was broken by a knock on the door, causing all four to start slightly. The Slayer frowned.

"It's 10:00. Who's in such a hurry? Dawn, get the door."

Dawn abruptly rose from her chair. Oh God. It's probably him...and my hair is a mess. I have no makeup on. Oh, Jesus. She hustled inside, speaking in a rush of words.

"Can'tdoitreallyhavetopeesorry."

"What? Dawn, I'm in my pajamas. Dawn!!"

She could be heard bounding up the stairs two at a time. Xander looked from Dawn's empty chair to his coffee cup.

"Someone got a triple shot."

Buffy hurriedly rose. "Xander, you get the door while I get dressed."

"Ok."

Willow spoke quietly. "Guys, I have to run out for a little bit."

Buffy and Xander stopped. Both offered her little smiles, but the Slayer spoke for them.

"Of course. Dawn and I are going tonight with Spike."

Willow looked at Xander. "Dawn's not here now. How bad are you?

Really?"

Whenever he hesitated before answering, it was usually all Buffy and Willow needed to know...but he spoke anyway.

"Sometimes it pretty much sucks," he admitted. "I'll manage, though."

This time there was a fisted thud instead of a knock. He forced a grin and jerked a thumb toward the front door.

"I better get that."

"Yeah. I'll be back for the big feast."

After another quiet moment, each headed in opposite directions.

*******************************************

"Are you quite certain of this little scheme?"

"She'll be here. I'd stake my cauldron on it."

Ethan glanced at Amy incredulously.

"You actually have one of those?"

"Family heirloom. Never use the thing."

They fell silent. Amy sat cross-legged on the grass with her eyes closed.

Waiting.

**************************************************

"Hey, dude! What's the haps?"

Faith threw her arms around Angel. He smiled... for a moment. Then he spoke with a strained voice as she hung on.

"Ummm..."

"Don't even say oxygen issues. I know better."

"Ok, but I have bones just like anyone else. Can I say bone issues?"

"You got bone issues? The Prom Queen must be pretty bummed. You know they have pills for that now, right?"

"Married life has made you a little silly."

She finally released her bear hug, planting a smooch on his cheek.

"Naaah. I was always like this whenever I didn't get enough sleep."

"Sorry again. I didn't realize anyone kept late hours in Sunnydale any more."

Faith walked toward the fridge, speaking with her back to him.

"Haven't kicked the habit yet. You hungry?"

Angel raised his eyebrows. "No, but thanks for asking."

Faith's voice was muffled as she ducked her head inside.

"Got some good stuff in here. Spike leaves it for when he comes over. I'm sure he wouldn't mind sharing."

Angel winced. Vampires didn't double dip...but even the enlightened probably didn't know that, so he left the faux pas where it lay.

"Thanks, but I'm fine. Saving myself for the cookout."

She resurfaced with a smirk, briskly shaking a carton of orange juice.

"Mmmm... fresh blood off the grill."

Angel frowned as she began chugging it right out of the container.

"Don't stereotype. As it happens I like steak tartar very much."

Faith almost spewed her beverage. "Christ, that's gross! That stuff only goes with fish."

Angel just stared for a moment.

"Right. Anyway, I'm glad we have this chance to talk. I didn't want to bring this up without..."

He trailed off as Faith resumed inhaling the half-gallon of juice, holding up a forefinger. After fifteen seconds she detached her lips from the lid. As the drained carton sailed into the garbage pail across the room, she sighed with contentment.

"Ahhh. Ok. Now I'm awake."

"Was that full?"

"Yeah."

"Isn't it hard to drink all that?"

"Used to be. Check this out." She trotted across the room and pulled the container from the trash. "Now they have these plastic screw-top lids. I used to get it all over me back in the day. Now I get a good tight seal without spilling a drop. Cool, huh?"

"Oh, yeah," Angel said dryly.

Faith grimaced, placing her fist against her chest. "Hang on a sec. Recoil. Musta grabbed some air."

"Do you mind if I have a seat? You can join me when you're ready."

She motioned him toward the living room as her cheeks puffed out. Angel shook his head after he walked out of her line of sight. I KNEW he'd be a bad influence on her.

Faith followed him in a few moments later, flopping on the couch next to him.

"So...what'd you wanna talk to me about?"

Angel hesitated. This was a bad idea. Think of another way.

The brunette Slayer narrowed her eyes. "Something wrong? I mean, clearly something's wrong, I can see that in your eyes but...are you ok?"

"Me? Yeah, I'm all right. It's nothing personal. There are some things going on in L.A. and... I was thinking you could possibly be some help."

He looked into eyes. She's happy. Really happy. What the Hell were you thinking?

"You know what? It's nothing, really. Let's just forget it."

Faith's gaze was steady. Whatever it is, I ain't gonna like it. He's got that look.

"Too late now, you already brought it up. What do you need?"

The vampire sighed. "We've had some suspicious unsolved killings in East LA."

Faith tried to hide her reaction, but Angel caught the hardening in her eyes. As he'd expected, the wall had been engaged immediately.

"That ain't exactly anything new."

"It's the nature of the killings that concern us."

"Some kinda demon?"

"Vampire."

Faith shrugged.

"Ok, so maybe you got a nest. Nothing you guys can't handle, right? L.A. isn't my territory any more."

"Normally, I'd agree with you...but there's more to it than that."

He was unable to meet her eyes as he finished.

"In this particular case I think you have some insight that might help us."

"Insight? Wow. Makes me sound smart and everything. Why don't we start at the beginning, 'cause I'm not following here."

Angel sat back on the couch, loathing himself as he told her everything.

**********Los Angeles, CA************

Lilah sipped at her coffee, allowing herself the luxury of leaning back in her chair for a moment. She sighed with annoyance as her intercom flashed.

"Yes, Nicki?"

"Your 2 pm is here."

Lilah quirked an eyebrow. "That's nice. Tell them to learn how to read a clock. Last time I checked it's 11 in the morning."

Her secretary responded in a choked voice.

(Um..ma'am... she seems to be in... a rush. Says she'll rip my... throat out if you don't speak with her now.)

The attorney took a sip of coffee, weighing her options.

(Um... ma'am... please?)

"Hold on." Nicki was a decent secretary. Took passable dictation, showed up on time. On the other hand, Lilah really wanted to finish her coffee. When it came down to it, the choice was between a few minutes of peace and dealing with temp agencies. That pretty much made the decision for her. She responded with a sigh.

"Send her in."

(Th... Th... Thank...)

"Yeah, no problem. Get yourself some water. Make it quick, though. I may need you in a minute."

Drusilla came sweeping in, a decidedly unhappy look on her face.

Lilah smiled politely.

"Judging by that sour puss and the early arrival, things didn't go quite as you'd hoped, I take it?"

The vampire spun to face her, eyes brimming with tears.

"Lost many playmates, she did. Goldilocks had to go without any supper."

"What, someone ate your porridge?"

Dru burst into tears, plunging into the chair across from Lilah.

"Nooo!! No one ate Mommy's porridge! It's the most ghastly thing. My Spike fancies his porridge warm forever!!"

"I'm... very sorry. I think. Forgive me, honey. I don't have a current edition of the Nut Job Translator, so you'll have to spell it out for me. What exactly happened?"

Dru was still whimpering as she responded.

"Lost... fifteen beautiful little dollies. Barely had time to give them their first tea."

"Fifteen?! Jesus. Did you try to take their whole team at once?"

"No trying. Dear Spike visited our new playhouse. A lady must make her gentleman caller feel welcome." A grin spread across her face. "He slaughtered five all by himself. So beautiful... so strong and feral..."

Lilah frowned. "Thought you said fifteen."

Dru's eyes narrowed with anger. "Warm Porridge Girl came flouncing in, saved him by the hair of his chinny chin chin." A faraway smile replaced the scowl. "Disembowel her, I will. Feed small pieces of her by hand to the ravens."

"O...kay. That reminds me, it's almost time to order lunch. Did you at least manage to point them in the right direction? We need them in L.A."

The smile became a smirk. "They were coming anyway, you know."

"What makes you say that?"

Drusilla began spinning in her chair, singing tunelessly.

"Triple, Triple, suckling nipple... she must or she shall die. Always painful, never simple... where shall their loyalties lie?"

Lilah's eyes widened. "Hey, I know that one. Pink Floyd, right?"

Dru stopped spinning, glowering hatefully. Lilah shrugged.

"Guess not. Excuse me a moment." She pressed the intercom. "Nicki?"

There was no answer. "Nicki?"

"Sorry, ma'am. I'm still catching my breath."

"When I call, I expect an answer. Don't make me regret my earlier decision, all right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"What's next on my agenda today?"

"Deposition in Conference Room 7 at 12:30. Inter-demonic divorce proceeding."

Lilah rolled her eyes. "Great. That's all I need right now." She looked at Dru with a shrug.

"Feyoral demon married a vampire. Not exactly kosher, but hey... different strokes, right? Unfortunately the vamp has been allegedly stepping out with a Chaos demon. Have you ever noticed how those guys can't seem to keep their hooves to themselves? Oh, wait. You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?"

Dru's eyes became slits. "The Child Of Light will have her day."

"Well, of course she will. So Dru... as you can see, I'm a bit pressed for time. What did you need from me?"

"Mommy must replace her dollies."

"Fine. Do what you have to do, but make it fast. You'll want to be underground when the Slayers hit town." Lilah rose from her chair. "I'll walk you out. Oh, wait... I almost forgot."

She leaned back to the intercom. "Gina, make sure custodial is standing by for that deposition." Lilah grinned at Dru as they walked together. "A nervous Chaos demon is a messy business."

Drusilla grimaced. She knew that only too well.

*****************************************

The dew was almost completely burned off in the mid-morning sun, but Willow's shoes still collected new-mown blades of grass as she crossed the lawn. The early ceremonies had concluded shortly before, leaving the cemetery freshly decorated with floral tributes of all types.

She'd never considered it until people went out of her life, but these days Willow often wondered why springtime had been chosen to commemorate the departure of loved ones. The landscape was rife with the fragrance of blooming lilacs and freshening pine. Being asked to recognize death during the period of nature's perpetual rebirth seemed incongruous -

and, in Willow's opinion, more than a little cruel.

Whenever she moved among the stone markers along the path to Tara's grave, she never failed to shake her head sadly. The larger, more ornate edifices apparently represented the final status symbol that human life could attain. As if it mattered who had the bigger monument. Was a person any less dead depending on the size and carvings of their stone? What was there left to prove?

The one - and in Willow's mind the only - good thing about Tara's tombstone was its simplicity. A person like her didn't need to establish who she was to the world by having her body buried next to the fanciest chunk of marble. Those who carried Tara's memory within their hearts knew how extraordinary she was... and, in the end, nothing else mattered.

Finally reaching her destination, Willow placed a pebble atop the marker and squatted down, noticing several fresh floral arrangements with a little smile. After adjusting to a seated position, she spoke in conversational tones.

"I hope you know I'm getting grass stains on my jeans for you today. It's still a little damp out here." She reached for the flowers to her left. "You don't mind if I peek, do you? Let's see who we've got here."

She smiled, reading each attached card. We'll always remember you, Xander and Faith Harris. You'll remain in my heart forever, Dawn. Replacing them, she reached for the other two arrangements to the right. The first always warmed her; Oz had sent flowers every year since Tara had passed. The message on the card was perfectly typical: Peace. Oz.

It was the last one, however, that finally moved Willow to tears. The card was considerably larger than the rest, encased in plastic to protect it from the elements. The lyrical style of handwriting inside was unmistakable.

In all my years, I've met many different sorts of people. If there is such a thing as Absolute Good in this plane of existence, it rests within you. You are sorely missed. William.

Buffy had signed her own name below Spike's, but Willow's vision was too blurred to see it. Gently she replaced all the arrangements, moving the largest card to the center. After wiping her eyes, she began to speak softly.

"I feel so terrible whenever I see these. My friends are my real family. They're the greatest people I know... it's not their fault... but they're right in front of me, and they're happy... and I'm just..."

Her voice broke.

"I can't hold you before I go to sleep. I can't kiss you good morning when I wake up, even if I have morning breath... because you just have to do it before brushing your teeth, you know? They get to do all those things with people they love. Goddess help me, sometimes I hate them for it."

Tears streamed down her face. "I don't want to be alone any more... but I can't find anyone like you. It isn't fair! I know that makes me sound like a spoiled child, but it's how I feel. I never say it out loud to anyone, though, 'cause what are they going to say? 'Don't worry Wills, there's one out there for all of us? You'll find someone?'"

She thumped her fist against the ground. "I already DID find someone," she sobbed. "The one that was out there for me is gone, and it makes me so angry! And I get so scared, 'cause when I get angry I can do terrible things to people - even people I love. Then I think that must be the reason. The things I did... I don't deserve to have anyone. I'm supposed to be alone."

Willow shook her head. "But that doesn't make sense either. Faith hurt people, and she isn't alone. Neither are Spike or Angel. They get to laugh and cry and argue and make love... what am I supposed to have? You come to me in my dreams and say things are going to change. Buffy's right, it could be something bad, but... I'm tired of acting like I feel fine when I don't. Whatever it is has to be better than the way things are."

She took several deep breaths, wiping her eyes. After taking a minute to gather herself, she resumed in a conversational tone.

"As much as I want to share feelings with people, sometimes it just doesn't do any good. What can they say? All it would do is drag them into depression along with me. I know how they are. If Buffy and Xander knew how I feel, they'd get upset and worried... even if there's nothing they can do to help me. I know, 'cause I'm that way. Xander's hurt - and it's at least partially my fault, I don't care what he says - but it doesn't matter. I can't do any more for him than he could for me. There's no point."

She shrugged disconsolately, repeating herself. "There's no point."

Suddenly a familiar voice spoke from behind. "Willow."

Willow spun her head around, eyes like saucers. "Who's there?!"

The cemetery appeared deserted, save for the quiet chirping of birds. She rolled to her knees to rise when the voice spoke again.

"Willow. I'm here, honey."

The redhead's breath caught in her throat. She collapsed to a seated position, back now facing the tombstone that marked the burial site of the woman who had just appeared before her. Willow found her voice, quavering in shock.

"T-Tara?"