by Rob Sorenson

********************Bavaria, Feb 1975*********************

Hans Katzenbach was deeply troubled as he trudged up the stairs toward his bedroom. Sleep had nearly overcome him twice on the drive from Munich, though in reality the trip home from England wasn't terribly long.

Many years later, he would repeatedly reflect about what had happened this night. Had it been a result of mental fatigue or the subconscious mind briefly holding sway over his more intellectual side? He supposed he would never know. One way or another, he turned to the left instead of the right as he reached the top of the stairs.

Directly into the bedroom of his sleeping Slayer.

He blinked in surprise, almost as if he were waking up from a dream. <Go, Hans. Get out of there!!>, his mind raged. Naturally he did not move a muscle as he observed her long form stretched out beneath the blankets, her breathing peaceful and even. Her head was tilted back slightly with her lips parted. The outline of her body was bathed in moonlight, giving the aura of Venus swaddled in bedclothes.

Katzenbach closed his eyes, now desperately trying to will himself to turn around and tiptoe out. Every fiber of his being felt as if it were being ripped in half.

Finally, he took a deep breath and found his sense of duty. Turning as quietly as possible, he began to creep out the door.

"Hans?"

He'd almost made it. He whispered to her in the darkness.

"I'm sorry I woke you, Inge. I was tired, and made the wrong turn. Go back to sleep.

"Are you sure you made a mistake?"

He could make out a vague impression of a smile on her sleepy face, and had to block out the insane urge to kiss those lips as they turned up at the corners. He didn't have to make a special effort to whisper now. It was all he could manage.

"Inge-"

She scooted up to her knees, letting the covers fall. Her nightgown was hiked partway up her thighs, revealing tight, well muscled limbs that had served the dual purpose of keeping the German Watcher alive during patrols and sleepless in his weaker nights.

"I spoke with Rupert last night while you were away."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. You have duties to the Council."

"I meant about having to endure a conversation with Giles."

"Oh. Well." She smiled. "He is an interesting man. There are the makings of a good person within him. Smart, courageous, good instincts. His better qualities remind me of you."

He couldn't stop himself from smiling at the compliment.

"What did you talk about?"

She shrugged. "Things he is struggling with. Duty. Sacrifice. Why you and I are not sleeping in the same bedroom yet."

Katzenbach's face paled as Inge's blue eyes bore into him. He began shaking his head, as if he were trying to bring himself out of a dizzy spell.

"He said that?"

"Well, not exactly, but..."

"Inge, you really need to go back to sleep."

Her response was to move slightly to one side, patting the now vacant portion of the bed.

"Come sit with me."

He sighed and closed his eyes.

"No, Inge. I cannot do th-"

"Hans."

She had spoken even more softly than before, but Katzenbach knew that tone. He opened his eyes to see her eyes widened slightly. All Slayers, it seems, have a certain tone that can bring one to attention out of self preservation.

"You have a choice. Either come sit and talk to me or I will throw you on this bed and lie on top of you within three seconds....and we'll talk that way. What do you prefer?"

"You wouldn't do such a thing."

She said nothing, maintaining the steely Slayer gaze.

He sighed again and made his way over, seating himself at the edge of the bed, trying to maintain as much distance as possible even within this close proximity. Inge smiled at his hesitant movements and spoke.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Hans---unless you force me to."

"You wouldn't hurt me."

"No....I would never hurt you." Her voice conveyed a deeper meaning as she made that statement.

"What did Rupert have to say, exactly?"

"Not much outside of using our denial of our feelings as a reason to resist his path."

Katzenbach's eyes flashed.

"What would he know of our feelings?"

"Well, I imagine he received his first clue by watching us together. His second was provided when you defended my honor by throwing him against a wall."

"Giles talks too much."

"I can't argue that. Still, he is correct, is he not?"

Katzenbach didn't resist when she reached for his hand.

"Inge, we cannot do this."

"Why?"

"Two very good reasons come to mind. First of all, I am old enough to be your father. Secondly, I am your Watcher. Certain.....relations are not permitted."

"By whom?"

He sighed patiently. "Inge, you know the answer to this question. The Council may dictate certain personal issues if it is believed that the Slayer is unable to perform her duties. They would deem this dangerous."

"What could be dangerous about two people in love?"

There....she'd said it. Inge flushed slightly and looked down at her sheets as Katzenbach fumbled for words.

"Inge, I must go. We may not speak of this."

She gripped his hand painfully, preventing his ascent from the mattress, raising her voice to him.

"I am tired, Hans. I said all the right things to Rupert when he asked me why I do this. You would have been proud of me. All the standard lines regarding destiny and the sparing of innocent life. Most of which I directly quoted from you."

"I'm always proud of you."

"Let me finish. I told him those things, but he didn't believe a word I said, and I think it's because I don't either. I want more. I want you in my life, and I think you want me too."

"Inge, I am in your life. I don't under-"

"Stop it. Stop acting like you don't know what I am saying to you."

She was against him before he could open his mouth and captured it with hers. He attempted to resist but was powerless to do so, physically or emotionally. The kiss was hard, passionate, sweet....and innocent.

<She's never kissed a man before>, he thought as her tongue hesitantly sought permission to enter his mouth. Somehow this realization filled him with revulsion and he managed with great difficulty to break away from her and stand.

Those amazing eyes of hers conveyed so much in seconds: lust and confusion were at war on her _expression.

"Inge, I must go. That should not have happened."

Her voice rose in desperation as he turned and willed himself to move away.

"Hans, you can't leave me now. I understand I'm young and...inexperienced, but...please don't go."

Hans quickly turned back to her, a slightly panicky look in his eyes. "Keep your voice down. Rupert might hear you."

Her eyes held a sly expression as she reached for the straps holding up her gown.

"As I understand these things, after a while he will hear us anyway."

She stood for him, the gown slipping away before he could say anything to stop her. His face went slack as she was now completely revealed to him, seemingly without a hint of embarrassment. Words were simply not possible for him at this moment.

"You seem surprised to see me this way. I know you have before."

His eyes betrayed shock. <Of course she would have known I observed her. She has enhanced senses. I am a fool>. He began to shake his head, searching for the proper words to resolve this without hurting her.

"Inge, you are beautiful beyond description. I don't think you need me to tell you that. I wish..." Further words failed him.

"There is no need for wishing. I'm right here. I want to be with you. You want to be with me. I understand my destiny Hans. I understand that I'm supposed to be alone, and fighting is all I am meant to do."

Her voice now quivered with emotion.

"I will fight, Hans. I will do this for all the reasons you've taught me. I will do this because it feels right, but I'm tired of fighting myself. I don't want to fight us any more. I'm sorry. I know it's weak. I wish I didn't love you, but I do."

"Inge, you think what you feel for me is love because there is no other choice. I am around you all the time; naturally these feelings may occur. You are still so young. This is only natural."

She moved like lightning toward him, pinning him against the wall, eyes blazing.

"I am not a child any more! Do not speak to me like one. I am a woman. I will soon be of legal age in every nation in the world, even America. Do you really believe I don't notice other men? When we were in Munich for Oktoberfest last year, I spent half my time killing vampires and the other half fending off the attentions of half drunk businessmen, some of which were quite attractive, I might add."

Katzenbach couldn't will away a stab of jealousy as she pressed frankly against him. He could feel his body begin to betray his mind. Her smile told him that she realized the same.

"They weren't you, though. They didn't have your kindness, or your strength. They wouldn't understand the burden that I have to live with. The only man I could ever have in my life is you. There can be no one else. Stay with me tonight, darling. No more fighting."

Her kiss filled his senses. The world around him was fading rapidly, leaving only her in his frame of reference. He ever so briefly began to move against her, causing her to moan into his mouth as she felt his touch. They had both desired this for so long. His heart ached as he came to a decision that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Suddenly his eyes snapped open and he pushed against her. She resisted, forcing him to practically shove her away. She staggered back a few steps, face etched with hurt and confusion as he spoke sharply.

"Enough. This must stop. Clearly something must be done. You are unable to maintain a professional relationship, though I have tried to convince you otherwise. This is not acceptable. In the morning I will contact the Council and recommend that I be replaced."

Her eyes widened in amazement as her head shook violently.

"What? No!"

"I'm afraid there is no other choice. Clearly you have lost focus on the mission. This cannot be permitted. You are too important to the world to allow your feelings to impair your judgment."

"Is this you talking or some book?"

He turned toward the door.

"Go to sleep. I'll try to have your new Watcher here within the week."

Her next words were spoken not as a confident Slayer and woman, but a completely vulnerable girl.

"Please, Hans. I'm sorry. We won't speak of this again. Whatever you want. Please don't leave me."

He walked out without looking back, leaving a sobbing Slayer in his wake.

After he closed the door behind him, he sank to the floor, his now shaking hands covering his face.

***************************************************************

Buffy vaulted directly over Xander's bed and knelt next to her friend.

"Willow. Willow!!"

The redhead's eyes opened and blinked a few times, much to the Slayer's relief. Xander, leaned over his bed and observing, exhaled at almost the same moment. She was ok.

Willow focused on Buffy. "Did it work?" Buffy opened her mouth to respond, but it was Xander's voice above her that she heard.

"Hey, Wills."

With help from Buffy, Willow rose up to stand over her best friend, still slightly dazed. Xander put his hand out to steady her.

This simple act of support symbolized everything between them through the years, and the Wicca's eyes filled with tears. He was back.

"Xander!"

She fell into his arms and he held her, murmuring into her ear.

"I'm so sorry, Will. I'm so sorry."

Her response was slightly muffled as her face was buried in his neck.

"Sorry for what?"

"I should have told you."

She raised up enough to look him in the eye.

"You mean Faith?"

He could only nod, his own emotion close to the surface.

She ran her hand over his face. "It's true you should have told me. It's also true that it would've been easier for you to do it if I hadn't hated Faith so much."

"You don't now?"

She hesitated a moment as Buffy had resumed standing to Xander's left, taking his hand. Briefly exchanging glances with the Slayer, she continued.

"No. We talked some. Plus I saw her with you. In the stadium."

She didn't have to continue for Xander to understand. A shadow passed over his face as he relived the horror of his torture, and how close it had brought him to the brink of killing someone, albeit someone who richly deserved it. Buffy broke the silence softly.

"If not for Faith, I don't know what would have happened. I think that made it easier for Willow to understand that the Faith we knew has changed." She looked to the redhead for confirmation, and Willow nodded her agreement.

Buffy continued. "There are some things we need to talk about. We don't have to do it now, but at some point we should." Xander smiled slightly.

"Scooby meeting?"

"Not a full one. Just the three of us. I don't know if everyone will be able to understand. There are some things running through my head."

"Like what?"

The Slayer hesitated a moment, unsure of how to proceed. Finally she just went ahead and said it.

"While I was fighting my clone I had something pass through me. Something dangerous...and incredibly powerful. I couldn't feel any pain, no matter how hard she hit me. I was hitting twice as hard as I normally do. All I could feel was...rage. I've never been stronger than I was at that moment."

Xander said nothing, face expressionless as he relived the moment of which Buffy was speaking. Concerned at his look, she squeezed his hand.

"Hey, don't go away again, ok? We can talk about this later."

"It's ok, Buff. It happened. It's over." He gave her a reassuring grin, knowing perfectly well his two best friends didn't believe him for a second. Both decided to return his smile and let it go for the moment. Buffy went on.

"Anyway, whatever that was, it was triggered by you. I could feel it. When I was in your head, I recognized when it happened. You showed me, and I just knew. This is a crazy idea, I know, but....is there any way you think we could use this somehow? Harness it?"

All three of them remained quiet at that thought for almost a full minute. At last Xander spoke the obvious.

"I don't know how I possibly could."

Buffy gave his hand another squeeze. "It was just a thought. You want to see everybody?"

Xander immediately shook his head. Willow nodded in understanding as she spoke.

"You're tired. I understand. So.....getting back to that moment you guys were talking about. I think that's what put me on the floor there for a minute. Guys, I've felt power before, but this is different than anything else. It was...primal."

Xander did his best Elephant Man impression: "I am not an animal!!"

Buffy and Willow both grinned at him. For just a second, everything was ok with Xander's world. He took a deep breath and leaned back into his pillow. It was not missed by his girls. They leaned over him and kissed each cheek as Buffy spoke.

"We should go. You're tired. I understand that you don't want to see anyone, but Faith needs to see you. You need to let her, ok?"

He looked away from Buffy, but she pulled his face back to hers. "Xand.."

Finally he nodded. Willow walked to the door as Buffy remained close to him for another second, whispering.

"It'll be ok. She loves you. If all else fails, do that thing you did to her in the library."

His face colored with embarrassment. "Get outta here."

Buffy giggled and followed the redhead out the door.

Moments later they were met by three very concerned people.

"Is everything ok?"

"How is he?"

"You all right, pet?"

Buffy held up her hands, eyes tearing up slightly.

"He's awake."

Faith almost felt her legs give way at that statement. Spike put his hand to her arm, and forgetting herself for a moment she gave him a soft, grateful smile for his support. They had done a lot to hold each other together after Buffy and Willow had gone into that room.

Dawn spoke for the first time.

"Can I see him?" Buffy shook her head.

"In the morning, honey. He's exhausted."

The blonde Slayer looked at the brunette one.

"He only wants to see you right now."

"Really?"

"Of course."

Faith nodded and hesitantly made her way to his door.

Willow and Dawn were discussing the specifics of the spell as Spike took Buffy aside.

"Are you sure you're ok, luv?"

She smiled softly for him. "Yeah. I'm actually better than ok. You wanna go back to the hotel with me?"

He knew that look. "You're not tired?"

She leaned against him. "I'm never too tired for you, stud."

His eyes hooded with desire. "Call me that again."

"Oh my God, that really does work."

"I'm sorry?"

"Nothing. Come on."

She took his hand and dragged a confused blonde vampire behind her.

"Where are we going in such a hurry?"

"To work out a few things that were in my head. I didn't have a notebook, so I'll have to work from memory."

Willow and Dawn watched them go. The younger Summers rolled her eyes.

"Those two don't take many breaks, do they?"

"They're in love, Dawnie. Someday you'll be just as bad."

"I hope so."

They shared a smile as Dawn continued with concern, nodding her head toward Xander's room.

"Is he really ok?"

Willow watched Faith open his door and walk stiffly inside.

"I think we're going to find out soon enough."

***************************************************************

Faith walked into Xander's room, finding the love of her life where he'd been for what seemed like forever. Lying on a bed, with a vacant look in his eyes.

The difference was the comprehension when he looked upon her. Her breath caught as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Hey."

It took all her self-control not to leap on top of him at that moment. Tears sprang to her eyes of their own accord. Even when she was alone with him she felt the need to keep them at bay. She choked them back and spoke as normally as she could.

"Hey, Xand. Have a nice trip?"

She instantly regretted her comment. Xander had been through such Hell that he'd checked out, and she had to make fun of him. <You stupid bitch,> she raged at herself.

Xander gave no reply other than to display a ghost of his lopsided grin that Faith loved so much. She decided to try again.

"So....are you ok?"

He shrugged. "Sure."

"Ok. Good. We were worried and stuff."

"Sorry."

Faith felt lost. She didn't have a clue what to say.

"Ok, then. I probably oughta go so you can get some rest. I'll come back by in the morning, 'kay?"

He nodded and looked away.

"So see ya."

He nodded again.

She turned to walk out the door, tears threatening to escape. It was over. He couldn't get past what had happened. It had seemed so long ago....

"I'm still afraid of you."

Faith stopped, her back to him. Slowly she turned to see his soulful brown eyes looking upon her. Eyes that made her weak in the knees.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me."

"Why? Xander, how can you still..."

"I'm afraid that you're going to walk out the door and find someone better than me. Someone stronger who can make you happy. I'm afraid that you're going to hurt me so much I won't be able to live."

She shook her head, tears now flowing freely, now not caring. "Xand--"

"I'm afraid of sleeping without you."

At that moment the nurse on duty walked into the room, making her rounds for the night. She was unhappy to see Faith standing there.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you have to let him rest. He will be here in the morning."

Faith had an insane urge to knock the woman unconscious. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she resisted. With one long last look into Xander's eyes, she turned and left the room.

Dawn was waiting outside.

"Are you ok?"

Instead of answering Faith looked around her.

"Where's everybody else?"

"Back to the hotel. I thought you might want to talk to somebody, so I stayed."

Faith was touched by Dawn's concern even as she felt the desperate pull to reenter her man's room. Suddenly her eyes lit up.

"Dawnie, I need a favor." The younger Summers didn't hesitate.

"Name it."

- End Chapter Nine-