by Rob Sorenson

Buffy was overwhelmed with relief. Somehow 8 year old Willow's appearance made everything seem ok. The little girl touched young Xander hesitantly, causing the boy to cringe violently.

"Xander? It's ok. It's me. How bad are you hurt? Should I call--"

"No! Don't call anybody. I'll be ok."

Willow leaned over him again; this time he accepted her gentle touch of concern without protest.

"Xander, you're not ok. I can tell. You're bleeding in a bunch of places."

Xander shrugged her off, wincing as he slowly tried to make his way to his feet. He failed. Willow partially broke his fall back to the floor, but not enough to prevent Xander from crying out in pain.

"Ok, that's it. You're going to let me help you to the couch."

"Will, I don't wanna--"

"Xander. Look at me."

The boy looked into Willow's eyes for the first time.

Form her vantage point, Buffy smiled through her tears. The famous Resolve Face was in full effect.

"Put your arm around my shoulders. We're going to go to the couch, ok?"

Without a word Xander slumped against Willow, barely able to move for the moment. Grimacing in effort, the little girl virtually carried him the required fifteen feet, placing him facedown on the couch as gently as she could.

"Xander, I saw a little of your back, but I have to look some more, ok?"

He shook his head, but Willow was already reaching for his shirttail and pulling up gently, gasps of pain coming from the little boy as clotted blood stuck to his buckle-shaped wounds.

"Ok, this isn't so bad. Do you have bandages in your bathroom?"

Xander said nothing.

"It's ok, Xand. We're playing doctor. I'm going to fix you up good as new. Then we can play Barbies at my house...or Candyland, if you want. You can't cheat this time, though. I saw you last time, Xander Harris, and you're not getting away with it again. Got it?"

The boy couldn't help but smile at the little red headed girl.

"The band-aids are in my mom and dad's bathroom, inside the door with the mirror on it."

"Ok. I'm going to find some gauze for your head, too. You're bleeding a little worse there, but Dr. Rosenberg has everything under control. Just try not to move."

"Don't really wanna move right now."

"Good. Keep doing that. Nothing, I mean."

Willow scurried quickly up the stairs, careful to avoid slipping on her best friend's blood.

Buffy, watching with adult Xander in the corner, hadn't cried so much since her mother died.

"It's ok, Buff. I made it through ok."

"It's not just that, Xand. I've just never really understood how deep things are between you two until now. I mean, I always knew, but..."

"I was lucky to have Will."

"You still do, Xander. She's right outside if you want to go see her."

"No. She hates me now."

Buffy was shocked.

"Xander, how can you say tha--"

Abruptly they were in Buffy's doorway, just nine days ago. A dark eyed Willow was hissing angrily at her oldest friend.

<So Xander, let's analyze this for a moment, shall we? It seems your problems with women are getting worse and worse. First, you fell in love with Buffy, who didn't even remotely return your feelings. Then you started dating Cordy, who was the most selfish snot on the planet. Then you fooled with me for a few minutes. Next, you hooked up with a vengeance demon that you didn't have the guts to marry, so....why not shoot the moon? Just go as far as you can down the line and start sleeping with a WHORE!!>

Buffy winced at the awful memory as Xander made his way toward Willow, hand raised to strike her...

Suddenly she was aware of a difference. Superimposed over his face was the face of a sneering Tony Harris. The Slayer frowned in confusion.

"Ok, you're losing me now, Xan-"

Again there was an abrupt change in atmosphere as they stood in the corner of a room, observing Xander in chains, his leg already hanging loosely. Buffy tried to will herself to turn away, but she couldn't do it. Xander was in control here.

The taser was jammed hard into Xander's groin. His body convulsed with the impact. Buffy couldn't take any more, turning toward her guide.

"Xander, stop this! It's enough. I can't look at this."

He didn't respond outside of nodding toward the torture scene, literally willing Buffy to continue watching.

The beaten man was smiling. An enraged torturer--Buffy supposed this was the guy Dawn had killed accidentally--buried the taser deep into Xander's abdomen.

After the taser was pulled away, the face of Tony Harris was once again visible.

<Is that all you assholes have got? If so, could you bring in someone good, because my ass is JUST GETTING WARMED UP!! COME ON!!>

Buffy was breathing heavily, suddenly realizing what she had to have been doing at that moment in time. This was when all the pain had stopped, and rage had entered.

She stared into the face of the man who Xander blamed for creating it.

*********************************************************

Across the street, the assassin was training binoculars toward the scene in the window.

"This is bizarre."

His companion raised his eyes from his paper.

"What?"

"Their hands are all joined...sort of in a circle. Two of them have their heads tilted back, and the red headed one is sort of slumped down, like she's unconscious or something. She's being held up just enough by the other two to keep from falling. What in Hell are they playing at?"

"I hear that they're all holier than thou. Maybe they're praying."

"They may want to pray harder. Nothing's going to save that girl now."

************************************************************

Buffy and Xander were back in the basement, exposed spring in it's rightful position under Buffy's rear end. For his part, Xander was staring vacantly into space. She took a deep breath and began to speak.

"Ok, I guess that was the tour. I wish I could say it was fun, but I guess you know as well as I do how it was."

Xander's eyes were blinking. Buffy, encouraged by the sign of life, continued speaking, desperately looking for some way to get through to him.

"This really isn't my department, you know. My job is to kill stuff. I'd like to think I do it pretty well. When it comes to psychology...well, Professor Walsh pretty much broke me of my interest in that. So here we sit. Based on what you've chosen to show me, I can only think of one thing to tell you."

Buffy moved to her knees, directly in front of him, gripping the hands on his lap as she spoke forcefully:

"You are NOT your father. Do you understand me?"

She had his attention now.

"You are responsible for yourself, Xander. Not him. You are a person in your own right. Everything you've done of your own free will is your responsibility.

It wasn't your father who cheated on Cordelia. That was you.

It wasn't your father who didn't even try in school. That was you.

Your father didn't make you leave Anya at the altar. You did that, and you blamed it on him. Wrong. Nobody deserves blame for that but you."

Buffy smiled at him.

"Now for the good news. Your father hasn't saved our lives a dozen times. There is no way in Hell he would have had the balls to go down to the Master's lair to bring me back.

He wouldn't have bought Cordy that prom dress when she was broke, or risked his life trying to help Faith.

Tony Harris couldn't lead the entire senior class into battle, or set up the explosives that saved Sunnydale. He couldn't even dream of combining essences to fight Adam, and he would be too scared to send a wrecking ball after a Hell God.

Most importantly, he never cared enough for anyone in his life to save the world just by telling them he loved them."

Buffy leaned in, close to his face, her eyes unblinking.

"That, Xander Harris, is you. Did your father influence you? Of course. Everyone is influenced by someone. In the end, though, it all comes down to you. On balance, I'd say you did pretty well. Which explains why I'm so pissed at you."

Xander frowned in surprise. "What?"

<Yes!!!!>, Buffy thought triumphantly as she scowled at him fiercely. <Go me!!>

"You heard me. I am really pissed at you. Do you know why? We've known each other for eight years now. We've fought together against things that no one should ever have to see. There is a trail of misery and death behind us. Deaths of people we both loved and cared about: Jesse, Jenny, my Mom, Tara, Anya, Giles....and a lot more people that we watched die. People we couldn't save.

The only people who have hung in there with me from day one is you and Willow. In my memory Dawn is there too, but I know the real deal...it was just you guys. As important as William is to me, the two of you came first...and you're still here. You're not dead, Xander. You're just being selfish. There are people out here who love you. Faith needs you more than I could possibly explain. I think you know that. Yet you sit in here, reliving all the bad things that happened to you.

Xander, I love you so much. I would give anything to keep you from being hurt...but I can't do it all the time. As much as you try, you can't protect me from everything either. Someday, one of us will die first. It doesn't matter how. It could be a natural death when we're old, or it could be a vampire that takes one of us down tomorrow. Either way, it's gonna happen....but not today. Not a week ago, when we got to you in time. You are alive. Instead of focusing on getting better and coming back to us, you're lying here in this bed feeling sorry for yourself.

Oh, and one last thing. Don't insult my intelligence by trying to tell me Willow hates you. How dare you say that after what I just saw in your basement. You should be ashamed of yourself. Willow has loved you and stood by your side for 18 years. It's your fault that you didn't trust her to deal with your relationship with Faith. You hurt her by not trusting her. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you with all her heart. You know her better than that.

I'm gonna tell you this one more time: we need you, you doof. I told Willow if I had to come in here and drag you out of your brain myself I would do it, because we're wasting precious time waiting for you. Get off your ass and wake up."

Xander's big brown eyes stared deeply into Buffy's blue ones, finding the steel of the Slayer in her unblinking gaze. Buffy stood up and folded her arms.

"Ok...you asked for it. Before I came in here, I had Willow teach me the resolve face. I'm going to do it now, and keep doing it until you wake up."

Buffy scrunched her face up, squinting slightly. Xander held her stare as long as he could...and started laughing.

"You look like you really have to pee."

Buffy's face didn't change _expression. Finally Xander rolled his eyes.

"All right....fine."

*************************************************************

Xander awoke to find Buffy's eyes staring down at him, resolve face morphed into joy.

"Where am I, Buff?"

She threw herself into him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Ok, must breathe, honey."

She drew back, horrified.

"Oh Xander, did I hurt your ribs?"

He smiled at her, then suddenly knitted his brows in confusion.

"Actually, no you didn't. What's up with that? Last I remember I was busted up pretty good. Where's Wi-"

Buffy and Xander suddenly both realized that their best friend wasn't in sight. Simultaneously they spotted her unconscious form, crumpled in a heap at Xander's bedside. They yelled as one:

"Willow!"

- End Chapter Eight-