by Rob Sorenson

Spike and Buffy, now sated, lay in the the king bed they shared. The blonde vampire strongly desired a cigarette, but out of respect for her he abstained. She'd learned that "kissing an ashtray" line, and used it far too often for his tastes. Still, he'd made far bigger sacrifices than he ever thought possible to be with this woman, and she for him. He thought it best not to quarrel over the small things. One arm slung around her shoulders as she snuggled into him, he spoke to her reverently.

"That was unbelievable. Even for you."

She grinned and buried her face in his neck.

"You liked?"

"I loved. When you said you had some things to work out, you weren't joking."

"I couldn't have done it without you, baby."

"Well, yeah. Still, though, that one move you did would've given me a heart attack...If it were still beating o' course."

She giggled at the tired joke as she moved slightly away, both now staring at the ceiling as she spoke in a sober tone.

"Do you think whatever happens to us as children shapes us forever?"

"That's pretty deep post-coital territory luv."

"Answer the question or you don't get thirds."

He stole a glance at her. His Slayer was always a bit of a tease after lovemaking...but this appeared to be important. <All right then,> he thought.

"Driving a hard bargain, darling. All right, if you want ,we can get a little Freudian. Yes, I think a person's childhood informs us. It was almost a century and a half ago for me, and I still remember some things my mum did and said."

"What was she like?"

He took a deep breath.

"Very much a woman of her time, she was. A fine Victorian lady. Faithful churchgoer every Sunday. Dragged me along too, of course. I had to learn the Bible backwards and forwards. Turned out I had a bit of a gift for memorization. To this day I can recite passages. She didn't harp too much when I lapsed a bit as I came to manhood. Just...a good woman. Not sure what else I can say to describe her. She was what mothers are supposed to be, I think. In my corner no matter what."

"What about your dad?"

He shrugged. "I never really knew him. Died of a fever when I was a baby."

"My dad acts as if Dawn and I don't exist. I'm not sure I'll ever understand that."

"Has nothing to do with you, luv. It's to do with him."

"I know. At this point, he's lost any privileges to be in our lives as far as I'm concerned. On the other hand, why would he want to be a part of what we have to do? It's stupid to be hurt by something that's actually the best thing for him."

"Doesn't make it hurt any less though, does it?"

Buffy simply shook her head.

"I think the reason I liked your Mum so much was her similarity with mine. A real lady. Hardly had a bad word for anyone."

Buffy turned toward him then, smiling affectionately.

"You never told me that before."

"Never came up, I suppose. When she died we weren't on the best of terms, so I thought it best to stay away for a bit. Visited her grave a few times on my way home. Put some flowers I picked there."

"Those were yours? Nobody knew where they came from."

"Yeah. I didn't say anything at the time 'cause I thought everybody'd take it as another sick Spike ploy to wrangle his way into the Slayer's knickers, and I couldn't bear you believing that. Left some at your door as well, but I think Willow and Xander kept them away from you. Harris and his damned issues."

"I love you."

"I know pet. Me too."

"I need you to promise me something."

"Anything."

"When we get back to Sunnydale, we'll probably see Tony Harris on the street. Promise me you'll hold me back from snapping his neck."

He looked to see if she was joking. Not a hint of a smile found it's way to her lips.

"All right."

Buffy rested her head on his chest and abruptly changed the subject.

"I never told people how much I loved them enough in the past."

"Welcome to the world, Buffy. No one does that."

"It's different for us. As often as we face death, we need to tell each other every day. It could end so fast. We're all we've got, you know?"

"Yeah. I know."

"I'm going to try to be better at that."

"You've been doing a wonderful job already. Everyone is happier when you are. They take their cues from you. Not to pressure you too much or anything..."

"I've heard that before. It's ok. You're right."

She leaned into him, smiling slyly.

"I'm a much happier person when I have my boy toy to play with."

"Excuse me? Toy? I'll thank you to refer to me as a full service British roadster."

She chuckled at him. "Yeah. A Mini."

He was growling now. "You're asking for it, Slayer."

She moved quickly astride him.

"I don't have to ask. If I want to, I'll just take you."

She leaned down and suckled on his jugular vein, knowing precisely how his body would react. She removed her mouth and whispered into his ear.

"You think you can stop me?"

Spike remained defiant. "If I wanted."

"Doesn't feel like you want to."

He grabbed her hips and threw her off him and on to the floor.

"How does it feel now, tough girl?"

Her eyes had a predatory look from her vantage point lying on the carpet.

"It feels like someone better come down here and join me before he gets hurt."

"Take back your little Mini comment and I'll think about it."

"I'll take it back when you prove me wrong. Show me what you've got."

He put his thumb and forefinger to his chin, seemingly considering his options. Sensing Buffy's arousal, he decided on one word.

"Deal."

He proceeded to pounce on her.

*************************************************************

Two hours had passed since Faith had left Xander's room. She cautiously made her way back inside, silently creeping toward his bed--and banged her knee on the metal siding.

"Shit!"

So much for Slayer Stealth. She hopped briefly on one foot, hoping Xander hadn't been disturbed. Looking to his face, she saw him stir and look up with squinting eyes.

"Faith?"

"Yeah. Hey. I'm sorry I woke you."

"I was awake. What time is it?"

"Two in the morning."

"I thought you left. How did you get around Nurse Stalin?"

"Dawn performed a little spell. Evil Smock Woman won't be coming in here any more tonight." She put up a hand. "Before you ask, it's only this room. She can still go check on other patients. Plus Dawn is right outside if we need her."

Xander, now fully awake with eyes adjusting to the dimness of the room, observed Faith's attire.

"Why are you wearing a trenchcoat with flip flops?"

She smiled at him and twirled, the pain in her knee gone as quickly as it came.

"You don't like the look?"

"It looks like Jimmy Buffett auditioning for the role of Columbo."

She slipped off the shoes and removed the coat, revealing a white tank top and gray athletic shorts.

"Better?"

"It looks more like you, at least."

"It's chilly outside and I had to borrow the jacket from the concierge at the hotel. Gimme a break."

"So..why did you go to all this trouble?"

"Two reasons. One is because you asked me to."

"I did?"

"Yeah. You said you didn't want to sleep without me."

She spread her arms, palms pointed toward him.

"Here I am."

Xander didn't know what to say. Faith moved to him and raised a quizzical eyebrow, first eyeing the bed, then him. Understanding, he moved to one side, allowing her space to slip under the covers next to him.

They stared a long time at one another without saying a word. Neither was touching the other, even in this close quarters.

"Don't you want to know the other reason I'm here?"

"What?"

"I said there were two reasons. You wanna hear the other one?"

He shrugged uneasily. "Sure."

"The other reason I'm here is you're stupid."

He blinked. "I'm sorry?"

"You heard me. You're an idiot."

"Thanks so much."

"You wanna know why you're an idiot?"

"I've been given many reasons before, but feel free to pile on."

"You're the strongest man I've ever known."

Xander was again speechless.

"You told me you were afraid that I'd leave you for someone stronger. I don't know where that came from; probably some stupid shit my clone put into your head. Did she hurt you?"

Her eyes were soft as she put a hand on his cheek.

"Not much. A little chokehold against the wall."

Faith's eyes dawned with realization. It must have been all too familiar to him. She shook her head, fervently glad she'd killed the bitch.

"What did she say?"

"Stuff about me."

"That much I can figure out, Xand. What kind of stuff?"

He looked down at the sheet, not wanting to say it. Faith simply waited, an expectant look on her face.

"She said I was your weakness. She said it would take two of me to satisfy someone like you."

Faith couldn't think of anything to say to that. She stared for a long minute, and finally began to laugh. Xander didn't know what to make of that, but seeing happy Faith always made him smile, and this was no different.

"What's so funny?"

"She was a clone, Xander. She wasn't me."

"Yes, but--" Faith put a finger to his lips; it was their first touch in nearly two weeks. Xander felt frozen.

"So you guys went at it while you were in the chains?"

He shook his head, closing his eyes at the silliness of that statement. "Of course not, but---"

"Right. So how could someone who wasn't me tell you anything about our love life?"

He was searching for the right words, feeling more foolish by the moment as she waited patiently.

"Well, it made sense to me, I guess--"

"It made sense to you. Uh-huh. You felt this way before, didn't you? Hearing it from someone who looked like me just made it easier, didn't it?"

He wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Xand, no one knows me better than you do. Do you think for one second I wouldn't tell you if I wasn't satisfied?"

"I guess not." Faith gently pulled him closer and moved him on to his back, leaning gently against him. She carefully avoided his injured ribs as she spoke tenderly.

"This is my fault for not telling you. I should have known better. All that time you were telling me that I was better than anyone ever taught me to believe. I never took the time to remember you. We're screwed up, Xand. Big time. We need positive reinforcement a little more than other people." She repeated, almost to herself, "This is my fault."

She leaned close to him, inches from his face.

"Listen up. You are everything I could have ever wanted. You always have been. No one has ever made me feel the way you do, in bed or out of bed. I can't imagine anything that feels more special to me than when we're together. It's like we were meant for it."

He was not accustomed to being lost for words so often, but this woman had an uncanny knack for addling him. She smiled and tilted her head.

"Do you believe me?"

He nodded.

"Good. Next topic, then. How are you feeling?"

He brightened a little, clearly relieved at moving on to a less embarrassing topic, though her words had made his heart sing.

"Actually this is a little weird."

"Nahhh. You?"

Xander gave her a look, and she grinned at him.

"Sorry babe. You've got the floor."

"As I was saying, I was banged up pretty bad before. I mean I can tell, with the ribs taped and the cast and all. Thing is, outside of some bruising, nothing feels broken."

Faith appeared confused.

"I don't get it."

Xander shrugged at her response and continued.

"I'm not sure I get it either. If I were going to guess, I'd say it was the spell. Somehow our connection sent a little bit of Buffy's Slayer healing my way. I feel pretty good. Watch."

He moved down and smacked the heel of his hand firmly on his taped ribs.

"Doesn't hurt at all. I bet if they took that cast off me I could walk out of here."

Faith smiled with delight.

"Cool! I hate this friggin' place. We can talk to the doctor about your little miracle tomorrow. Maybe we can get out of here."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking."

The Slayer's smile turned sultry.

"So...if you feel good....do you wanna feel even better?"

"Ummm...actually--"

Before he could say any more Faith was kissing him firmly, tracing a finger around his left nipple, always an erogenous zone for the former Zeppo. He moaned into her mouth and she slung one leg over him, just enjoying the intimacy for the moment.

As the urgency grew and Faith moved against him he winced with pain. Instantly she moved away from him, eyes wide with concern.

"Did I hurt you baby? Your ribs...or your head? Tell me."

"You didn't hurt me, Faith."

"Yes I did. Xander, don't lie to me about hurting you or I'll kick your ass."

He looked at her strangely as she closed her eyes tightly.

"You know what I'm saying."

"Faith you really didn't hurt me. Not directly."

"What does that mean?"

Again he had a sheepish look, causing Faith's eyes to darken considerably. Out of self preservation he sighed and raised the sheets, moving his hospital gown to one side. Faith looked down and her mouth dropped open in shock.

"Oh, my God, baby, you're black and blue. What did they do to you?"

"S'okay. The only reason it hurt is you were..um..."

"I know what I was doing, Xand. That was the point. You should have said something."

"I tried. I just didn't want you to see me like that. There's a good side, though. Now we know everything still works."

Faith bit her lip. "What did they--I mean how--"

"Taser. Repeatedly."

"Oh, honey."

The tenderness in her tone caught him by surprise. Xander tried to turn away, suddenly overcome with emotion. This was the moment she had been waiting for. Swallowing hard, Faith took his shoulders gently and turned him back to her.

"Tell me. Let it go."

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

Xander's voice was breaking as he spoke hoarsely.

"Please don't make me."

"Xander, please let me help you. I love you."

He was now breathing heavily, trying to hold it in. He failed.

"They--they hit me. Over and over. In the face..and the ribs. I accidentally told them about Buffy and me. The way we can feel each other's pain. I thought it was Will. So they waited, I think..we haven't talked about it but I know they hurt me so they could weaken Buffy. I could feel what they were doing."

He was sobbing openly now. "I tried to be strong, Faith. I couldn't. I was weak. They were hurting me so bad. I mean, I've been in pain before but it hurt so much."

Faith was holding him now, her own tears flowing freely, letting him talk.

"I knew I was getting Buffy killed and I couldn't stop it. They broke my leg with the bat and I screamed....I screamed. I remember thinking that I'd let her down. I'm sorry, Buffy. I'm sorry."

"Shhhh, Xander. Buffy's ok. You were so strong. You're here with me. It's ok, baby."

"It's not. They used that taser on me so many times I couldn't feel it any more. I couldn't feel anything. When Dawn came in to save me I felt like I wasn't even there. Just this...thing. This thing who felt nothing. I just wanted to kill the bastard. That's all I could think of when Dawn took me out. God help me, I hurt Dawnie. I hurt little Dawnie..."

"No you didn't. She's fine."

"I held a gun on you. I could've killed you."

"You would never do that. You were too strong to let them break you, Xander. I knew you wouldn't do it. You just needed a little help."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Faith. I let them take me. I'm always the weak and stupid one."

"Stop it. You are not. You're the strongest one to me. Always."

He couldn't seem to stop the tears, heaving sobs into Faith's shoulder as he clung to her. She kept talking to him softly.

"No one's going to hurt you any more. You took care of me. You saved me, Xander. Now I'm gonna take care of you. I love you, baby. It's ok."

Finally he took a deep breath and collapsed into the bed. Faith raised herself to her knees and lifted him up, cradling him into her chest, unwilling to let him go just yet.

Xander was spent. Faith began rocking him back and forth, cooing to him.

"Rest baby. Go to sleep. I'm right here. Faith's gotcha."

For the first time in ten days, Xander fell peacefully into a deep slumber. Gently she laid him down, placing her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. His breath tickled the crown of her head as his chest moved evenly. The hypnotic rhythm of his breathing caused Faith to drift off as well. She hadn't slept any better than he had.

Buffy and Willow had helped him take his first step out of the darkness.

Faith would take him the rest of the way.

***************************************************************

"What's wrong, pet?"

Buffy had awakened moments before, clinging to William as she cried.

"He's going to be ok."

He said nothing more, understanding as he cradled her into his arms.

- End Chapter Ten-